Phase Two

Some days I sit and wonder at the cause of struggles and stress, the truth of the matter is that while struggles are caused by outside people at times, stress is always internal. I have yet to encounter any form of stress that wasn't created internally simply because stress is a reaction to the environment around me. Since this is the case it would only mean that after all the complaining and drama and counseling it still and always comes down to me.

The freedom of choice is what makes us responsible for ourselves to be honest. We decide the things that we do, the things we choose, the way we feel and especially the way we react to situations and others. After reevaluating the events of my life thus far I can only admit that 100% of all the drama I have been through is my fault. Even though there may have been an influence in my decisions they are still mine and that realization alone is enough to make me cry. Knowing that I have caused my own downfall and my own tribulations are facts I needed time to accept.

Its not easy to look in the mirror and see an enemy, its one thing to face threats out there but when the battle is within things change. You find your foundations ruined, your lifestyle changes and even your sight changes. It's unfair to yourself to not adapt though, failure to adapt results in extinction and in this world the extinct are nothing more than show pieces to conveniently gaze at so why put myself in such a position. Instead I've taken the good about me such as my smile, my generosity along with my subliminal charm, tactical foresight, etc and built on my weaknesses such as my need to exceed, arrogance of knowledge and my temper and molded them into a new and more powerful me. The results have been amazing, this new me is still a work in progress but a big upgrade from the older version. The really say youth is wasted on the young and lord knows my father made all the sense when he said that. For it isn't until we grow older do we truly value the actual preciousness of life itself such as love, loyalty, respect, honour, comradeship and trust. I know now that if these things aren't your priority you have a lot of maturing to do because these are the valuable that stand the test of time.

To me the key to it all is understanding, understanding of myself, those around me and where I stand with those around me and most importantly understanding of the God I serve. The peace I have inside is beyond measure about now, I see life from a whole new perspective with the full understanding that I am in full control of me and the decisions I make will ultimately determine who I am as a human being. The freedom of choice certainly is a blessing and a curse all at once.