On the Outside

Recently I had an encounter with a married woman, they really say doh play with fire because once it ketch yuh go get burn! Imagine this woman who mind you I have been talking to for months about finding ways to be faithful to her husband, who boasts that she was oh so committed because he actually supported her business idea approaches me for sex because why, she's horny and came Trinidad to have fun?? Unbelievable the shit people will do in the name of "freedom of sexuality" I sat there in my living room watching this woman appeal to all my likes, she feel she bright, getting her toes done and keeping that skin soft knowing what I like! Even that dress was to kill for, light and see through, very short with easy access to all the goods! Didn't even have to peek much, the dress was that short!!!

Well in my 31 years on this planet I have learned a few things about myself, firstly that I trust too many people with my weaknesses and secondly that the devil uses even your closest friends to tempt you down a dark road. Had she been single and mine I would have readily taken that bait but she was married, married for several years at that to a man who covers her every need and more. A man who she boasts made her make a pool of cum on the couch leaving her breathless to recover from, a man who bust his ass for a month straight driving up and down the east coast in a stuffy ass truck to make sure she has all that she needs in life and the only repayment she could think of is to be pissed off when he can't get a hold of her because deep down he knows she's being unfaithful. Knowing that she has the ability to bring home a disease that can cripple his lifestyle because at the end of the day is probably nerve wrecking while he's on the road and all she thinks of his her immediate pleasure! These are dark times we live in when this is the mentality of people in relationships, some days when I miss the company of being held and comforted on stressful and weary days, I remember when that married woman was here in my home and the thoughts that ran through my mind as I cried for another man whom I have never met but understood so well. I thank God I had the strength to refuse her advances, I thank God that I understood myself to use my strengths to counter her attacks on my weak spots, I thank God I did not touch that woman because the karma that would have befallen me surely would have left me a bloody mess of undone work.

These times are indeed dark and they are indeed grim, there's plenty of talk about love and commitment but I see now its mostly smoke and mirrors from people who not only lack commitment but lack discipline, justice, emotions! These are the real monsters we fear for, these are the terrors that keep us awake at night and now by God's grace I have seen your tricks and know how you think so I can avoid you early on. A wise woman once said, when someone tells you who they are BELIEVE THEM!!

How to make them leave

In this day and age its far easier to lose someone than keep them. While there are many factors that cause infidelity, sudden breakups and even unexplained absenteeism in relationships, the following are the main causes as to why people suddenly change on us:

1) uncompromising minds: so you are with someone and neither of you can see eye to eye on almost every subject matter under the planet. Healthy is a good debate yes but when it goes to the point that neither of you compromise just to even say OK you win, then it becomes a destabilizing creeper of a wreck waiting to happen. Nobody likes to ever not win, it creates resentment and shows an imbalance in point of view. To be honest it's actually a complete disregard for even the feelings of the other person when something as simple as what channel to watch on TV is always one sided.

2) unbridled aggression: you know yourselves, hot headed, short fused, hyper aggressive people. You think that by telling yourself that you tolerate no bullshit that you have the world fooled but the only fool is you. Exactly who on this planet can live with your ass always in hulk mode walking around smashing everything from faces to ideas to even tears. In your bitter rage to supposedly defend yourself from heart break you become the very monster you once complained about abusing those who have done you nothing for the sake of those who tormented you once. Some of you don't even have an excuse for being so brash and unforgiving, but the cycle you cause is undeniably present as those you abuse become abusers themselves and then you will wonder what's wrong with society.

3) attention neglect: it doesn't matter if you're man or woman, nobody likes being neglected by your significant other and u assure you if u do this expect to be shuffled out by another. Human beings r social creatures, whether we socialize in public or just with those who matter its the same need to be around like minded others who help generate the depths of our personality. It doesn't matter if you work long or play long, if half of that energy isn't spent in the home then its no longer your castle. Much like an emperor who doesn't tend to his kingdom, you will be raided by an enemy you cannot see because you're not looking at the kingdom for the warning signs of invasion. Nobody is taking away from having you time but know that if you're with someone who demands much more of your time than you can give then consider yourself as good as overthrown.

4) vanity: a lot of people actually miss this one because plain and simple its a blinder. There's a reason vanity is a sin, its self centered, self opinionated and very much selfish for that matter making the person you're supposed to be with seem less significant than a used piece of toilet paper! Yes its important to look good but when it goes to the point that you don't even notice changes in your significant other such as the fact they no longer call you daily because you're too busy being in the gym then you my friend have a problem. Vanity isn't just how much time you spend in front a mirror admiring yourself, its a complete worship of self that turns you away from other aspects of your life such as God for example!! As bad as it is living with a hulk, living with a walking worship sermon and mirror is worst!

5) poor finance management: really?? You didn't see this one coming?? How you gonna be with someone but you always broke? You yourself don't want broke people around you but you never have! You get paid, you over spend, you owe the world of debts so even a simple movie run is a problem because you simply have no money! They say money can't buy happiness but it does save relationships because you simply put need money to buy things. How can you go to dinner when you home eating stale crix and mouldy cheese?? Yet still though you want to go in people house and eat premium steak with loaded potatoes eh?? Shame on you!!

6) groupies: exactly how is it you want to be in an exclusive relationship but u have groupies? Some of you think that we just born on a Thursday right before we met you? Groupies are there for one reason and one reason only and that's to inflate your ego anytime it needs a shot in the ass or up the vagina depending on your preference in bed. Now seeing as your significant other is supposed to be the one to help you build and help your grow into an equally great person but yet still here you are with tom, dick, harry, jane, Jill and Manfred von Stickcunt draped all over your ass for you to impress who? Make a turn with that!! You deserve to be unseated!!

7) unsubstantiated exaggeration: too many big words for you? Well that's because you need not only a bigger vocabulary but you also a lesson in having actual substance about you. Simply put this is for those of you who run around boasting about how much of this and that you have when in reality you can't even buy crix without asking for hire purchase! Its important to sell yourself to a prospect but overselling is a constant thing with society today, all this talk about having the biggest dick or the best pussy is meaningless if after two minutes you done and done leaving the other person bitterly unsatisfied well prepare to come home and meet a stallion in that garage and bedroom. Don't think I forgot about you so called ballers who claim to be so independent and having your own but getting repossession letters from courts and standards everyday of the week! You work for all this money and own all these things but the bank have you in the papers on outstanding loan payments while the court have a warrant for you for unpaid child support?? Keep thinking you fooling the world while yet replacement steals away your prize.

8) anti progressive: this country is loaded with many of you, meet you working in a store and leave you still working in the same store with not even an inkling to get back to school and further yourself to be at least the store manager. Humans are naturally progressive beings, it's part of our inner desire to grow to the next level and learn new skills and traits. How you people get by being stagnant is beyond me but best believe that its unattractive and will push away anybody who even thinks of being with you. If you only think of the present and not the future then there's no future relationship for you as all you will be is a figment of the past.

9) incompatible traits: from the start this is how to separate yourself from someone. Many people fail to realize that compatibility is very important to the longevity of a relationship. This compatibility is what brings balance in the home and negated the previous 8 obstacles with ease. A good example, a man who is a workaholic can never be with a woman who's a socialite, there's no meeting ground between these two and then all of the other obstacles such as financial issues, aggression and vanity to name a few enter the home and ruin the bond that may have been established. No amount of good sex is worth this level of frustration, that's like using icy hot on a broken limb expecting it to heal without a cast.

10) uncleanness: if I have to go into detail about this you're already down the wrong road, turn around now!!

These are but ten of the basic things we do that chase away what could be a long lasting and fruitful relationship. Come on people do that soul searching and let's not blame love for our stupidity!

Hypocrisy

It still amazes me the double standards we live by, the human flesh is truly fickle and unashamedly so at that. We always want it all but we're not willing to put in the work to have it all so we become a state of constant unfulfilled desire. I see you everyday and I gaze at your folly, you spend all your life tormenting those you consider lesser than you only to turn and complain that someone who has surpassed you now ridicules you leaving you bullied and tormented. When the tide turns on us very often we are feel wronged and aggrieved that someone could inflict pain on us but forget how much torment we have caused others.

Well here's a wake up call, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Its an old saying that many of you do not live by. You walk around like the world doesn't have consequences and that all that you do will come back to you ten fold. You don't like it, too bad, it gets worst as your deeds go along the shit meter. For every person you discriminate against for being different you will be discriminated against for even saying different. You make a habit of abusing people, prepare to be beaten raped and left for dead. Don't complain that the world is unfair, you're unfair, you're the oppressor and the slave driver! How is the world unfair?? I can never understand how you who judge on appearance gets mad when your appearance is seen as inadequate. You go into depression and claim to be underappreciated but who do you appreciate? Who have you told you love them? Who have you comforted and cared for? Who have you spoken even a nice word to? You can't fake compassion, its a powerful emotion that only genuine people possess so if you find yourself unable to be genuinely concerned about even your family, its not the world that's at fault its you who choose to be bitter.

I feel sorry for your kind, bitter, uncompassionate, devoid of love and care, unable to cherish even the basics of affection. When I see how easily deterred you are from your goals I laugh because you made it your business to make others miserable. Meanwhile those you oppress will go on to be happy, they will rise and become what you most dream to be and leave you in a latrine of sorrow so deep that you will have no choice but to sit in a corner and shed tears that all that you crave will be forever out of your reach all because you choose to temporarily torment those around you in the name of feeling good about your own insecurities. How sad!!

From the Heart

It ought not to amaze me that I'm attracted to you, you represent what I like in a woman, daring, courageous and bold. Unafraid to show your colours while maintaining a stature of simplicity. Daily as I learn about you I realize your dreams, your fears and even your smiles and tears. There's a quiet noise that you make that sends adrenaline through my bones, it shows in your smile and in your eyes, burning with fire and filling me with a renewed hope that out there has hope and light.

From your playful grace to your gentle touch, you have my eyes locked on your every movement as I struggle for words to even begin to identify how I feel. Deep inside you awakened an old and long thought dead desire, a desire to give, a desire to love, a desire to be unconditional, a craving to be protective and yes an urge to be supportive. I look at you and I see trust, a stability of mind that oozes your confidence unassumingly. I have hope for you, hope that things will be ideal as we progress in this friendship, hope that my eyes aren't deceiving me and you are true, hope that all that I see in you is more than a mirage in the desert.

It's been a while now since we met, I haven't shown you all of me but I might jus yet. So much I long to let loose and show you but I have to be sure that you're perfectly genuine and true and not another tormentor sent to abuse my good nature. What gets me though is the connection we have, so quickly we share stories about each other without hesitation and yet still we're worlds apart as distant life forms living on separate planets at different ends of the galaxy. Maybe you are who I'm searching for or maybe you're another illusion meant to show me I'm getting closer, either which way I'm glad we met and I hope it gets even better from here……………………………

The Truth About You

Sadly I'm here thinking of the selfishness of some people, it's sad that you would spend time considering someone only to be discarded and later picked up at their convenience. The saying goes that when you see someone suffering it's best to leave them let them suffer because you very often do not know what sins such people are paying for.

Day by day I'm seeing that this world is filled with miserable, tortured, unloved people who deserve every bit of misery that they exist in. Long ago, a priest dived into a cold river in Germany to save the life of a drowning boy, that boy was Adolf Hitler. This alone is the extent to which attempting to undo God instilled punishments cause. When I look at you I see that potential to do so much good but deep down I know that you will do so much evil because you refuse to accept that life isn't your playground and people aren't your toys. Had I treated you with half the convenience you treat me with you would claim I'm no different than the rest. You would be bitter and upset that another man used you for your body and not appreciate you for who you are. The truth is though you are your body and only that because honestly you have nothing else to offer. There's no growth with you, there's no hope for better simply because you always do worst. It's a shame that your a mother with such a bright child who most likely won't see her potential because your focus is being the mom with the best body. Well you can't say I didn't try with you, know that I will be keeping my distance as more and more of the cruel fetishes you enjoy are revealed. I get that it turns you on to be conquered and that someone as passive as me won't ever be your so called conqueror and that's exactly why I'm at peace while torment reigns in your being.

To know peace is to know God but to not know God and expect peace is insanity of the highest order. Don't think for a second I don't know you encourage men to forsake the fellowship, a devil's prize in disguise out to destroy souls subtly. Fortunately I see you for who you are, unkind, unholy, uncaring, unfortunate, uncouth, unbelievable, unreliable, unambitious, untrustworthy devil of a demon. Get thee from hence in front of me devil! I see your true colours even behind the waterfall of tears. Its sad that you would think people will stay around you and support you being so false. I took my time to see the whole of you so that you would have no claim whatsoever to be anything other than a high maintenance slut.

At the very least I can say you have proven my point that those with the longest tears are pseudo apologetic and deservedly imprisoned in their misery. How sad………………………

How to be happy

It's a sad reality that nowadays people live in complete paranoia of inevitable infidelity. According to society every relationship will at some point in time have an outside party who you either accept or stay single and live in fear of. I do not subscribe to this theory so here are some tips to avoid this so called bound to horn syndrome:

1) be financially stable: It doesn't matter what they say, money is a part of today's stable home. Struggling with bills and even money to see a movie is a sure fire way to invite a cheater. Man or woman, people do not deal well with money problems so if you know you cannot manage that wallet stay single until you can.

2) compromise: I talk about this all the time, if you cannot meet someone halfway or find yourself always giving too much then that's called sacrifice. In the old days that feminists around the world dread so much men were always taught to ensure their women were well pleased and comfortable. In return women were taught by their mothers to always aim to please their men and make them comfortable, this balance was how many of the older generations stayed together longer. People who ask but never give are to be avoided at all costs!!! All they will do is drain you and leave you to die when they have taken all that they can get, with no remorse for you the idiot who didn't realize that those who don't invest in you are not to be close to you.

3) comprehension: I do not understand how people miss this but having been there myself I guess its easy to see. To know what you want you must understand yourself, whether you are an introvert or an abuser, understanding what makes you tick is crucial to knowing who you want in your life so in turn there will be clarity of personalities and not a clash of attitudes. Once you have understanding of you, next is to understand your significant other. We all have different traits and many quirks that make up who we are as an individual, understanding those differences is what builds unity and keeps relationships interesting. Its a known fact that every five years people change, what was fun now may not be later so always be willing to learn about your significant other.

4) communicate: there's just no easier way to be understood than to speak your mind. How hard is it to say that something bothers you or you have been offended by a remark or action or even just to say thank you? How hard is it that people do not do it?? Nowadays it's apparently a crime for a man to say that he has issues! He's seen as weak and lacking for having problems and speaking about then but this same society will turn and say men ought to speak up and not be so unemotional. The confusion is there because people do not speak up, too many people are afraid to say what's on their minds when this is in fact strength! True strength is not how well you hide your feelings, its how well you manage them. Speaking clearly on your position and stance is crucial to happiness, it removes doubt, fear and discomfort all in one. Want peace? Speak your mind and be clear about what you're saying and watch the weights lift off your chest.

5) understanding of self: sad to say many people do not know themselves at all. They live in a facade that they're a completely different person to what they actually portray. This pseudo life is how a lot of us are caught off guard because we fail to see that the world can see who we actually are and we're only fooling ourselves by pretending to be someone else. Learn yourself, learn your strengths and weaknesses, learn your traits and quirks and be honest about them all. Denial of who you are is what leads to your downfall because that information can easily be mastered by someone else who will use it to manipulate you leaving you in an illusionary bubble which then derails your personal lifestyle and leaves you complaining that the world is cruel and bitter. Wise up and realize that you are the master of you and only God is greater.

These aren't hard things to do just difficult to maintain because a lot of us choose to be bitter and unhappy for no reason. If you're one of those people stay far from me, I choose to be happy and wear a smile majority of the day.

Phase Two

Some days I sit and wonder at the cause of struggles and stress, the truth of the matter is that while struggles are caused by outside people at times, stress is always internal. I have yet to encounter any form of stress that wasn't created internally simply because stress is a reaction to the environment around me. Since this is the case it would only mean that after all the complaining and drama and counseling it still and always comes down to me.

The freedom of choice is what makes us responsible for ourselves to be honest. We decide the things that we do, the things we choose, the way we feel and especially the way we react to situations and others. After reevaluating the events of my life thus far I can only admit that 100% of all the drama I have been through is my fault. Even though there may have been an influence in my decisions they are still mine and that realization alone is enough to make me cry. Knowing that I have caused my own downfall and my own tribulations are facts I needed time to accept.

Its not easy to look in the mirror and see an enemy, its one thing to face threats out there but when the battle is within things change. You find your foundations ruined, your lifestyle changes and even your sight changes. It's unfair to yourself to not adapt though, failure to adapt results in extinction and in this world the extinct are nothing more than show pieces to conveniently gaze at so why put myself in such a position. Instead I've taken the good about me such as my smile, my generosity along with my subliminal charm, tactical foresight, etc and built on my weaknesses such as my need to exceed, arrogance of knowledge and my temper and molded them into a new and more powerful me. The results have been amazing, this new me is still a work in progress but a big upgrade from the older version. The really say youth is wasted on the young and lord knows my father made all the sense when he said that. For it isn't until we grow older do we truly value the actual preciousness of life itself such as love, loyalty, respect, honour, comradeship and trust. I know now that if these things aren't your priority you have a lot of maturing to do because these are the valuable that stand the test of time.

To me the key to it all is understanding, understanding of myself, those around me and where I stand with those around me and most importantly understanding of the God I serve. The peace I have inside is beyond measure about now, I see life from a whole new perspective with the full understanding that I am in full control of me and the decisions I make will ultimately determine who I am as a human being. The freedom of choice certainly is a blessing and a curse all at once.

Reality Check

The cruelty of humanity is not limited to class or race, rich or poor, old or young. It is all encompassing, wiping out species, habitats, even nations! As the days countdown closer to the end of things currently, I can't help but wonder at the signs that tell me the end is near. Its more than just the blood red moons or rise of false priests and leaders, its the behaviour of humans themselves that is most glaring. Men are lovers of themselves, even turning against women and children in the name of vice and vanity. Wars are now being fought in, out and around the home eroding the foundations of God fearing families with the promotion of promiscuity, infidelity, distrust, grudge, hatred and spite. These are the principles that we fight against and that doesn't even include greed, pride, vanity, idolatry, etc!

This isn't just about nation rising against nation, this is neighbours against neighbours, coworkers against coworkers, family against family! Its all about divide and conquer, a war strategy as old as time itself! Weakness is derived from confusion, chaos, mayhem and turbulence which distort the vision, emasculate the man and weaken to eventually destroy the foundations of morals, spiritual grounding, faith. Its become far too easy for us to worship self and not God, I even hear daily stories of people saying God is not with them?? Really?? God isn't with you?? Can't you see that you are the one who turned away your faith and handed it over to the devil who in turn gave u depression, stress, worries, fear, pride, insecurity and the list goes on! You traded your tiny bit of faith for all of those ailments? Well since you got so much for so little, tell me how's that working out?? How are your relationships with others? How well do you know yourself? How well do you get along with family? But we want peace right? We want peace peace without the king of peace? We want peace without the outpouring of love right? We want to begrudge all who hurt us but expect to be free of the prisons we built for ourselves right? Sure that makes all the sense in the world because the world is all you can see and seeing is believing so this is what you see and believe. Congratulations you have been easily deceived by the devil's greatest trick and believing that not only does he not exist but that all you have been warned about is fake and non existential! How sad for you!!

The Usurping Queen

When I met you there was nothing left, you were a bitter mess of broken dreams and dark secrets hidden from the world and shunned into silence. I took pity on you and slowly but surely nursed you back to health, I saw strength in you and helped you unleash and harness it so that you can stand as an equal and not be a trampled slave. I fought side by side with you as we overcame mountains and deep seas in record speed and with I measured success. How foolish was I as I only unleashed a beast that was supposed to be hidden.

Deceived by trickery, misled by your falling tears, I believed that you were much better than what you were getting. You were lost in the wilderness destined to be nothing more than a convenient selection for when the time is right. I turned you into a formidable force but you used that power to become a destructive megalomaniac. All that you touch cries and howls for pain, all life near you dies slowly and painfully with no hope of recovering. You're a murderer without compassion, without care, without substance and you never should have been let out of that cage. They really say when suffering occurs feel not for the victim for you do not know their identity. Now I see why he went through such lengths to degrade you for he saw the danger you posed. He saw the ruthless selfish detestably uncouth side of you that he has long feared. There's no contentment with you, no form of happiness because there's never enough, your appetite for destruction is insatiable and I in my foolish attempt at samaritan equity befriended you with the thoughts of your recovery from your past. Even now I see why you suffer the way you do, its u my conscience has warned about all this time. A wolf in sheep's clothing, a devil with a tiara and not a halo.

I only pray I am forgiven for my assistance in this mayhem. A man who I have never met will now have to forgive me of sins far greater than any in my life. After you there will be no more I swear, I won't support these atrocious acts of injustice in the name of foolish hope for inhumane humans.