Past and Present (part 2)

Over the years I've seen many sturdy relationships rise and crumble, even those that seemed destined to last in the end succumb to the abuses and pitfalls. These pitfalls have existed for millenia and continue to plague and torment modern day couples and friendships. In my own experience I was given a front seat show as to how easy it is for these things to fall apart like a house of cards in a gentle breeze.

In my early years, alot of time was spent jumping from one woman to the other in a series of failed relationships that ultimately led to a failed engagement. In each and every one of those relationships I repeated fundamental mistakes that have led to continual failure and decreased enthusiasm and drive on my part. My very first relationship was my first experience with pure physical attraction, there was no mutual ground whatsoever, just pure physical attraction. She was beautiful, I never was a big fan of skinny women, but I do have a well known weakness for the thicker women, the red ones especially! She was everything I thought a woman should be physically, I remember gawking at her until my mind went blank everytime I saw her, can't say she didn't notice, she would wave at me with a long teasing look but never say a word. Well as fate would have it her mother new my uncle whom I was staying with at the time so making the connection was easy. We had nothing in common as it turned out, she was every bit as opposite to me as east is to west but she was astoundingly gorgeous and I was young and impatient, my hormones wouldn't allow me to leave her alone. We did go out eventually, I was a happy and horny man, it didn't hurt she thought I was cute and was willing to try me out. It took about two weeks after for sex to get involved and that's when things got complicated. She was good, really good, the kind who could make your knees wobble with ease, but as time went on it became just about sex because outside of the bedroom we fought about everything. She was possessive and I demanded freedom, it didnt help that I was young and getting into extreme partying either, so I was always drunk and my behaviour was really erratic.

The drama that was building was too much for us to last and I actually was sad when we broke up. For years I've tried to understand how it could've gone so wrong so fast, we barely lasted six months but I felt like I failed for a lifetime. Truth be told I really did like her, but for all the wrong reasons, after the physical attraction everything else was on opposite sides of the berlin wall. Even though we were the same age and went to the same church, we were worlds apart and I didn't even know enough about myself to see that it was doomed to fail. Looking back I can see where so many of my relationships and many others have failed. Fundamentals were lacking in too many areas and all were overlooked in the name of lust. I see why lust is listed as one of the seven deadly sins and is frowned upon since the days of the ten commandments. It blinds hearts and eyes, so it becomes easy to run head first into obstacles the size of mountains. In that relationship we fought over everything from who I kept as company to why I always watch outside whenever we tried to talk to who is the many men that kept calling at her house whether I was there or not. I'll confess that had I known what I know now, there was no way I would've even thought about going near her because it would be easier for me to see the drama that was to be.

It's highly unfair to both parties involved to ever think that a causal relationship is remotely close to a friendship because at the end of the day it's not meaningless sex but a hypocritical agreement that two people can be physically involved without raising false feelings for each other. True relationships whether friendship, intimate, spiritual, family, etc. require that all parties involved understand each other to levels that do not allow the crossing of borders without consent and knowledge of the consequences. This understanding involves not only communication but also compromise and tact so that true consideration is given to the many variables that arise when people meet.