Immortal

So I'm back from the hospital after a successful surgery, I have to admit I almost didn't make it this far because I lost my faith and was so near to defeat from the desert of despair that I tasted the sand. Thank god for some very dear friends two of whom remarkably disagree with each other but always have my best interest in mind. I'm thankful to everyone who was there doing god's work guiding me, I'm not sure how many of them are aware of how hard this thing really affected me mentally. This experience has been really interesting over the last couple months as I've discovered more about myself and my life, as it relates to faith, the power of prayer and where i stand with god.

Despite all I've been through I've always been guided by the holy spirit, even when the road seemed dark and lonely and I feel alone and unwanted, Jesus has always been walking with me and directing my path. It's been a rough two years since I left RBTT and I have to admit there were times I really doubted all that I've done because the results were not what I expected. The struggles have culminated to this last event where when everything seemed to be going right, the lights are dimmed on my world and all seems lost again. I've met many people in similar situations and it was astoundingly easier to tell a story than live it. Constant rejection and disappointment is beyond disheartening, it reduces the will to fight and in cases of unwanted temptation lead to straying minds and mountains of trouble and struggle. Growing up in the streets all my life, I've seen first hand the end results of depression and disenchantment. Misconduct and isolation are dangerous and potent in their combination, but sadly is the result of such depression. Those who endure such feelings often indulge in illegal activities and groups seeking the comfort of companionship and identity. This search for companionship leaves it's bearers vulnerable to multiple attacks from society and only hastens the trip to self destruction.

It's not difficult for me to understand how people including my eldest brother walk this road, I've been tempted many times myself and admittedly still consider it given how many obstacles and mountains I've deemed unnecessary for me to climb. Lack of proper understanding of the full impact of depression is the fault of society who leave it up to mischief and idle hands. Truth be told if not for proper encouragement and guidance from Jesus and my friends he's blessed me with, it would have only been a matter of time before I too would be in the news for murder or drug dealing, or some other unscrupulous activity. Isolation and lack of comfort leave the heart and soul empty, even the strongest minds have fallen to these demons and have created some of the worst people in history including Al Capone, Adolf Hitler and George Bush to name a few.

As I reflect on my own mortality and what could have been I must be thankful that I was redirected from my path of destruction and can only warn that the world beware the Earth Bound Immortal Exitium