Monday, August 1, 2011

Their Opinion vs Mine

Trusting god is something that we all too often do not truly understand the meaning of as human beings. I am of the solid belief that despite what we are taught, pride of the flesh simply gets in the way of us trusting god. As I grow older, I see more and more that it really comes down to personal faith that distracts me from truly trusting god's will. The lack of trust is to the point that even the very teachings I receive are considered untrustworthy and as a result I find myself questioning what is and what isn't. It is true that at the end of the day the word of man is subject to the interpretation of the flesh, but who am I to say where that contortion of the truth begins and ends? Psychology and religion teaches that an inability to trust comes from a lack of self trust, the theory states that he who does not trust himself will not and cannot trust others. I believe that there's truth in that as there have been times that i have found myself doubting situations based on my own reactions to similar situations and the decisions I have made. Having said that, there have also been numerous situations where I have doubted the results of a situation based on intuition and my suspicions were proven correct. In addition to those there have also been situations where my doubts were based on how I would've personally handled the given situation.

With all of these in mind, it may very well be proven that the religious leaders and psychologists may be correct in their theory. I however have a different opinion, I firmly believe that faith and belief in god and to a lesser extent man comes with an understanding of what god will do and not what I wouldn't do. That theory states that I can trust that what I would or wouldn't do does not reflect how others especially the almighty will reflect on me. It should be noted that my theory is based on the existing social concept that what I may do for others, others may not do for me. a concept most of us are very familiar with and may live by in certain situations. Despite what the experts and so called educated may say, I do not subscribe to the concept of karma nor any version of karma as it defies the logic of forgiveness. Karma is based on the old concept of eye for an eye and as I was taught by the very religious leaders who preach of karma's existence, the old ways of eye for an eye was abolished with the coming of Christ and the establishment of the new testament. So to you hypocritical bastards I say suck a dildo for attempting to confuse my mind and faith. If I go to hell for not trusting you corrupted and sickening excuses for leaders then so be it, while I do not wish to go to hell I'm very sure that I'll be seeing you there with me.

There is one thing that they said that will always stick with me as I do agree with it, "true knowledge is only available to those with blind understanding." That statement means that in order to truly understand what is and what isn't, you must wipe your mind clean of all that you have previously learnt and allow god to truly fill your mind and spirit with HIS knowledge and not that of man. No matter which religion or faith you belong to, they all identify with that statement because it is a fundamental truth of god that no man can ever corrupt. Even though different religious leaders use the statement as a sales pitch and not with the true intended purpose of guiding what they call lost souls. Sales pitch or not, I consider that a fundamental to unlocking true knowledge, who god uses to impart this true knowledge is where my issue currently resides. So if you're like me and you're unsure if your faith is where it should be at times, I can tell you this from my personal experience, faith in god sometimes involves doing things that you wouldn't normally do. It also involves doing things that you would normally do, but anything that god has you do will always work out for the benefit of you and that's a fact!

Better than that people
R2

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Crossroad

I've known you for some time now, we've been friends longer than I've been having sex. For years you've watched as I've grown into the man that I am today, sometimes you spoke up, and sometimes you let me run into the walls of life. As long as I've had friends you were always there, so many people you've seen me pass through and never wavered. We've never been as close as some of my other friends, but you were always there. If I had to describe you in one word, it would be durable, you've lasted longer than most people who've claimed to be in my corner can ever dream.

So I have one question for you, when did all of this change? How come after years of telling everyone that there's no feelings you suddenly develop some? What changed between when we first met and now? Why is it that now you decide to bring these confessions to me? You assured me for years that this would not happen and then you turn and do exactly what you said you wouldn't do! It's not that I don't think you're a good person, but you never were the type of woman I would be with. It's not your fault, because like you I have flaws, it's just that you're really not my type and I can't see me with you as more than a friend. All these long tears just won't help, I can't lie and say you make my heart melt. It's as simple as 1, 2, 3 there's not going to be any you and me, I'm not attracted to you in any form fashion or manner. I understand that my personality and movements may be a cause for misleading you and for this I am truly sorry. I never meant to send you any wrong signals but this is just the way I am, for years you've known me as a big dirty flirt, we've had fun and you are fun to be around, just not what I'm looking for.

Let's keep it simple and just be friends, don't force yourself to change who you are because of me. Someday you're going to make a man a very nice husband, it's just not going to be me as far as I see it. I'm not trying to put you down, as your friend I wish nothing but good blessings upon you, but I refuse to lie and say that I have any other feelings for you whatsoever. It will be unfair to you for me to force myself to be in love with you when I'm not. All that will make me is as bad a liar as any man who's ever hurt you in the past. I'm sorry love but at the end of the day this just isn't going to work and if you can't be my friend then it's best we go our separate ways from here on out. Please don't take this personally but this is just the way I feel, I know you're hurting and the rejection is tough but as I said earlier I'd rather lose a friend being truthful than be in any kind of lie for a relationship of any kind.

Whatever you decide to do from here on out is up to you, I won't hold it against you. I understand you need time to sort things out and most of all I appreciate your honesty and consideration of our friendship to bring this up. Always know that you are my friend and if ever you need me I'll come.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Departure

There are days I look at you and see only sorrow and destruction, worst are the days when all I see is genocide and torment. You live your life to destroy others, you walk this earth making enemies where you shouldn't, and at the end of it all it's me who takes the fall. Never once did you appreciate me next to you, as far as you're concerned I may as well be a piece of drift wood in the sea that you only find when you boat leaves you. The whole world said that you're the worst thing imaginable, looking back now I see why, all these nights because of you I cried, standing by your side was all I ever wanted to do, but you rejected me so what happens next is all on you. Everyday is the same, nothing but worries and pain and all the while you just stand by thinking only of you and what you're going through. Damn another day of rain, another day of you being sickening and lame, you refuse to change and leave me in pain, all the while silently I pray that one day from your hold I be relieved.

How is it can you be so wrong and not see the pain and suffering you cause? Your path to self destruction is so clear to me it feels like I'm the one driving! Sadly you don't see it because you're blinded by greed and a false vision of utopia, the world is nothing but sunshine in the park to you while I on the other hand live in the rain of your actions. How can one person be this evil, your spite knows no limit because you would destroy all that was beautiful. The only consequence you understand is annihilation, as long as everything isn't completely destroyed do you realize that you're prone to errors. This lifestyle you live makes no sense, from the hypocrisy of your morals to the process of your thoughts, it's all a big mess. You crave the spotlight yet shun it's illuminating light, how do you expect to even get by with these kind of fundamentals in your life? While we're talking about fundamentals and future living, what am I in your twisted world of sickening games and tricks? Do I look like some kind of coin machine where you stick your trick coin in with the thread and pull it back out while i activate? When you see me, do you just see a tool to use in your destructive warpath? I probably have the word convenience written all over me because that's all you treat me as, a cuntvenient tool you just pick up and use whenever you feel like it! Let's make this crystal clear, I'm not a tool and not at your beck and call, if you wanted a jackass then you should've gone to a mirror store and buy your reflection! Who do you think you are just walking into my life full of promises but empty on delivery? Your like a bad movie with good promos, full of disappointment and failure! Consider this the end of the road as far as we go, while I still sadly have love for you, don't for a second think that you have any importance to me. Your complete disrespect toward my family, my home, my dreams and my life is unacceptable in any form, fashion or manner!

I suggest that if you have any dignity left that you leave and go, this train has long stopped and it's time for your loafing backside to get the fuck off! I'm tired of all the bullshit and the drama, this has been a long and torturous time with you, standing across the street from you makes me feel like I'm suffocating! Take you lies and schemes and go straight to hell, don't look back at me because that long overdue lightning bolt will surely strike you! I don't know what woman will tolerate you ever again in this lifetime or the next, better start making peace with god, because he alone knows what ill fated actions are patiently awaiting your psycho crazed thoughts. Me on the other hand I'm moving on to a simpler life, where you're clearly not going to be if you don't change! All these years I spent believing in your potential only for you to turn and stab me in the back with all this mistrust and scam! The sad part is that you actually have what it takes to do some great good, but you're too busy being an ass to see any of that!

This is goodbye as we're at the end of this road, from here on out you're officially on your own! Leave me let me be as there's no future with you, hell at this rate i doubt there's a present too! Change your ways if you wish to see thirty, the world isn't anywhere near as patient with you as I would be. All these scams and lies is not the way to live, even your own parents may deny your very existence!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Failure

Giving until it hurts really does hurt! It hurts a lot more than we are ever warned, people drain you, leave you with nothing, scrap you down to less than your skeleton and then move on. I don't know where you came from or why I'm even next to you, but all you've ever done is take away all of my blessings. Long ago I used to live for me, to ensure that I got everything that I wanted and you changed that, you told me I was wrong to live that way and I believed you. I started sacrificing and giving to others, now look where it's gotten me, you living well and I'm in suffering. You took as much as you could away from me, left me bare, alone and empty. I have never been the same since that fateful day, now things are worst because even my family thinks like you. You were a wake up call to how cold this world really is, trusting in humans is something I struggle to do ever again. There's little of me left to barely salvage, all I am now is just scattered wreckage, I can't even control my own emotions and make sense of this life.

Everybody has their own opinion of how I should live my life, but those opinions all come with the same catch line, live for me so long as I give to them and when they suck me dry they get up and leave me for dead. It's all the same no matter where I turn, even the church is filled with the likes of these hypocrites. I hope the world is happy because now I'm a broken mess, stripped to nothing because even my pride has left! It doesn't matter what happens to me now, I have nothing left, not even a shred of hope to smile about. They say if I turn to the lord I'll see my way, but those who said that are all the same, users, abusers and rapers, taking away every last sense of what was my self respect and dignity. This is truly the end because I'm done fighting, can't hold a job and have no family to help me. I'm always left alone to face the cruelties of this world, mobbed by pretenders who are wolves in sheep clothing. As I'm on that topic of family, you bitches are the worst people on this planet. I gave you everything and you left me hanging, the people that are supposed to support me the most actually support me the least. Of all the betrayals I've faced in life, yours was the worst and you still haven't stopped. Someday I'll be gone and you won't have me to torture, by that time I'm glad I won't be able to see why you tore me to pieces.

This world is no place for someone like me, a soldier who believes that kindness is strength and a model for life. At the end of the day you're all going to be sorry, because the destruction you created will eventually eat you alive like the assholes you are. I'm not sure what to do with myself now, I've been beaten and everywhere I look all I see are frowns, this world is more than upside down it's just a mess and continually deteriorating. So many times I've hit the reset button, but I just can't get this shit right no matter how much I try. So fuck it all I'm really done, the next one of you comes near me I swear I'll put you below the ground! I don't care about prison or death, at least in those places I know what's next. Dear lord hear my cries, I'm lost and alone with no one by my side, show me a sign that this isn't permanent, this emptiness is more than I can bare anymore. I've failed in life to answer your calling, I've failed in life at everything I've attempted, I guess that's the only thing in my life that's consistent.

Monday, May 9, 2011

FAQ

1) How many kids do you want - if I had a dollar for everytime some heffer ask me this question, I wuda be rich enough to build a whole new planet earth by now! For the last time, those things cost more than bentleys and ferraris! If I cud afford one of those then maybe I cud think of purchasing a gremlin!

2) When do you want to get married - not even IF I want to get married eh, when these ppl asking! Weddings cost more than homes, have you seen the price of just renting a venue recently? What the hell is wrong with u ppl!! No eh! Besides it costs less to have a woman as a gf than a wife on multiple fronts! You disagree? Too bad!!

3) Boy when yuh going to change and be a good boy - how about my question instead, when r u gonna stop have 3somes with han and hannah? I can only be me and nobody else, if this bothers u I suggest u go tell somebody who gives a shit! I'm loud, sometimes abusive, abrupt and crazy! If it works for me then u don't matter, so suck a dildo!

4) Why do u eat so much - not becuz u does coast on good food means that I must be as dotish! Food is to eat, I just happen to eat a little more a little faster than u do so live with it!! U find I shud eat less and slower? I find u shud brush yuh teeth and wash yuh balls how about that!!

5) Why u tracking my friend and not me - why not? She better lookin than u so deal with it!!

6) Why r u such a pest - easy it's fun!! I like to be entertained and ur a perfect victim! Don't like it, daz too damn bad! I have no intentions of changing!

7) How come u smile so much - unlike u, I like being happy! I laugh because I enjoy the brighter side of life u depressing, downsyndrome!!

8) So u always feel u all that - of course I am!! Have u not seen me? I'm the best thing god made in the modern era! It's not my fault u think ur worth less than a lump of shit swmcol wudnt pick up! Deal with it!!

9) How much woman u really have - what? Wha u really insinuating with that preposterous accusation? I is a one oman man and will always be that way eh! One woman today, one woman tomorrow! Get dat straight!

10) U is a real clown inno - I didn't know that! I never went to clown school and do not possess a degree in clown behaviour! I do however have a double masters in goofing off and tomfoolery! Heheheheheheheheehheheheee!

Now that u have ur answers! Ask some new questions dammit!!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Character

It's not for me to say what defines character, to many people it's based on many principles, teachings and fundamentals. As far as I was raised, character is your ability to accept what is and adjust to suit. Life throws alot of curves in your supposedly straight road, it even creates some crater sized potholes when things look too smooth, but if we can't adjust to the circumstances around us then what are we left to really do besides rot in failure? Well that's one way to look at it, but then what happens if we don't adjust and end up with a lucky drop and manage to escape our struggles? That not only happens to people, it happens more often than you know! The people who win the lottery and become instant successes are a good example of such coincidences, they mostly spend their lives with a dream of winning a gambling game and striking it rich rather than invest and plan to be. For those who actually win the feeling is a triumph over the existing norms of society that dictate only hard work can get you to the top.

The true test of character is where you're in your deepest darkest moments that may seem too much to overcome. As a christian I believe that Christ is the ultimate answer to all that exist and may yet arise, but in the end, he gave us the power of choice, therefore we must choose him. Having the courage to choose him is itself a test of character, it tests your faith in one whom you cannot see, it tests your courage to let go of your self control and hand it over to another, even if he's the highest creator. Rising to that occasion takes more than any one is willing to admit, the thought of summoning the required energy to cry out for help is almost as daunting as admitting that we actually need help and what kind of help we need.

At the end of the day, who we become and what we do, is determined by us and the decisions we make both past and present. Character plays an integral role in that process as its strength and polarity (positive or negative) is the determining force by which we make our decisions.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Divide and Conquer

The old adage that the individual is smart but the crowd is dumb holds as much merit today as it did when it was first used. In my many travels I have long seen the many examples of how one person can manipulate an entire mob into his thinking with nothing more than a few well placed words. He who travels alone travels in wisdom for he is uninfluenced by the thoughts of the confused, this is something my late grandmother once said to me and it is only now I can truly understand what she meant by that statement. In my lifetime I have seen how even my own mind can be swayed so easily by the force of a crowd, but it is only in recent times have I been able to see and be the person who influences the ebb and flow of the audience that I once sought after with such vigor.

Influencing the minds of many simply boils down to controlling a few actually, tacticians call it divide and conquer. The process is simple yet complicated, it requires that the stronger minds be separated from the weaker ones so the required controlling mental mechanisms can be placed, but therein lies the problem, how do you identify the stronger minds from the frail ones? That requires either a socially versed individual or a trained psychologist! Those of us who can differentiate however, will find that with some well chosen words people can be whipped into a frenzy over anything and everything! I've found it intriguing that in my last couple of encounters with people, I have been able to turn them against their own foundation values with some well placed stories and by turning some of their own against them! These people were staunch supporters of their cause and by simply having one or two of their kind turned against them they crumbled under the supposed pressure! So you think this can't happen to you? I have news for you my friend, it's probably happened more times than you can count. The process begins with an idea in the mind of someone, let's say a political motive for instance, so a candidate wants to convert supporters to his party in order to win his seat. The candidate's first objective is to find the weaker minds in the support base of his competition and steal from there. In the case of the candidate he will need to identify what drives the support of his opponent and work from there, finding the source of the support often leads to identifying loop holes in the system and thus exposing vulnerable targets. Some candidates may choose the other option which is to identify leading members and control those people and then take the support through peer pressure. Deciding which approach to take is always key to being effective in your job, for if you choose the wrong approach then like the candidate you'll be exposed for your trickery and ultimately shut down by the very masses you aimed to control.

The other part to effective division is to ensure that when the division is formed, to ensure that you continue to divide the groups until they end up in small and easily manageable tribes that you can enslave with your mental superiority. Once this is done rebuild the groups that you have conquered to overwhelm those that you haven't and the end product is ultimate victory. It should be noted that utilising this means of winning people is considered tyrannic and somewhat immoral by society, but then again what does society know? So you can use this method or the softer and more sinister approach of identifying the needy amongst the support base. I myself have used this method time and time again and I actually have a 95% success record. Identifying the needy in the group is easier done than said, needy people are as easy to read as the West Indian First Edition. They are the quietest ones in the group and possess the least amount of confidence for the given situation. These people are easily manipulated by basic signs of someone assissting with their situation and can be easily swayed toward moving the rest of the crowd. This approach does have a drawback though, it requires that there are enough needy people to sway the masses and that their situations are dire enough to ensure that the mission is accomplished.

Yes I've showed you how to spot weaklings so ask yourself are you the person that someone like me maybe targetting? If so I suggest you do some work on yourself