Friends and Benefits

So you're wondering what to do with that friend who's been flirting with you for the past how long, they seem nicer than anyone you've ever met, they know almost every detail about you until they become practically prophetic. Well I have to admit I'm currently in the same predicament because such people are seemingly rare in these turbulent times. This situation has happened to millions of people around the world and admittedly, my own research has revealed that the majority of "friendships" that follow this path result in not only divorce but bitter fights and heightened emotions because of the perceived understanding that existed.

The truth of the matter is that understanding friends and comprehending lovers are two parallel topics with very little in common. Friends who seemingly maintain a level of understanding that go beyond the normal level of social interaction are just that, there's no intimacy that qualifies them to be anything else but two or more people who share common interests and an understanding of each other that involves no intimacy whatsoever. People who share this understanding have either been in the same social environment for an extended period of time or have discovered that they share similar thought patterns and experiences in life. The real difference has to be in the level of relations between the individuals as this is where the line is often confused. Truth be told, friends can relate to each other much easier than couples as the expectation of compromise is less as well as the consequences of the relations. A good example of this would be the types of conversations that occur between friends and couples, it is far easier to tell a friend than your significant other about your past relationships and escapades as the expectation is that the friend can only make a light comment or even laugh depending on the nature of the event, but there will be NO judgmental stares or feelings being offended because missing from that correspondence will be the INTIMATE feelings that will exist in a relationship between couples. If a couple had such a conversation there would be long lasting repercussions emotionally and to a lesser extent psychologically depending on the nature of the situation being discussed. In the case of the conversation relating to past relationships, one partner talking about how great their past relationships were will result in the other feeling completely outclassed and outgunned as compared to having the same conversation with a friend who may not have been there to witness such escapades. The reality of the situation is that couples have greater feelings on the line and greater care is required in order to maintain their balance.

Seems simple but the real complication now enters where there are friendships where such care is required. These friendships are much more complicated and while they may not necessarily involve the intimacy level of a couple, some does exist and that's a fact. It becomes worst when the individuals are from either gender as this mix of contact and understanding becomes confusing for either party. The reason for this confusion is that the relations resemble the courting process between a potential couple to a great extent. If your having trouble believing me then allow me to clarify with the following example; a boy likes a girl and begins the courting process, the two have met via a mutual friend and begin conversing to discover details about the other, meanwhile a girl has just met a guy at a mutual friend's birthday party and during the introductions discover that he not only favours the same types of food as she does but also the same taste in music so they begin to converse to see what else they have in common. So far we have two similar meetings under two different circumstances, BUT the outcome is the SAME where the two end up furthering their discussions for the same purposes. So now fast forward to some moons later where we check up on our four individuals to see how they're doing, turns out that the couple to be end up together after the courting period, we all know how that goes, lots of quality time together, dinner, movie, maybe go a couple social event together, but the whole world can see that something is up with them until the revelation. The friends who have similar tastes however find themselves in the same situation, in an attempt to build their friendship, they go out to social events together, call each other constantly conversing at random hours about various topics, even do dinner together or with mutual friends. Soon the world notices that these so called friends seem to have a deeper connection than a simple friendship, the level of intimacy outside of the social circle is clear for all to see for it permeates into the general public as the friendship grows. If any of this sounds familiar, then you're in more than a friendship my friend, you're in what is known as a platonic relationship where friends flirt and relate to each other to the level of a couple. The thing is with these types of relationships are the levels of complications that come with them, there's no telling who's who and where the each stands with the other because after a while you become exclusive to your "friend." In case your not following still, the truth of the matter is that when friendships evolve to this level, you're not even allowed to have other friends and a full blown relationship is imminent.

Now before you go running off and telling your "friend" that there are more than friendship feelings involved, you'll need to be sure that the timing is correct. It's a well known fact that some people take longer than others to confess their true feelings because they themselves are unable to assess what's going on. The truth must be seen that just as you are confused as to the extent of feelings involved, the friend is just as confused. It's much wiser to test for particular signs that more than a friendship is at work. The signs are simple yet complicated, for example, if you notice that she's a bit more touchy than you're accustomed to then that's a sign that things are stepping up. Even if the conversations between you two or more become more intense in terms of how you feel about each other then chances are you're facing more than a friendship. Think about it you might either be heading for bliss or destruction...............................................................................................................................

Unfortunate

It's a word used to describe a situation that is so sad and unnecessary that it's a complete waste of time to even describe why such a situation or event could take place. This word also applies to people as well, and lately it applies to a lot of people walking this planet. For several moons I have written about the Earthbound Immortals that plague mankind and how they can turn us from people to demons with minimal effort. My very own eyes and experiences have been witness to what can only be described as the unfortunate behaviour of human beings created to serve god and love one another turn on each other like animals in the wild. To fully highlight just how bad the situation has become, imagine a scene from National Geographic where hyenas feed on each other for survival and you'll begin to get an idea as to how horrible human beings actually behave in today's world. For many years we've all seen someone who's behaviour can only be described as inhumane perpetrate acts so horrendous that the imagination is left in shambles that such ideas can even be conceived. The sad part is though that these monsters aren't limited to the Idi Amins and Adolf Hitlers who destroyed the lives of many with their versions of Armageddon, it's those who are far worse, like the modern day tribes who claim equality but persecute the less fortunate for their own gains and gratification, the neatly dressed warlords who destroy the lives of billions with the click of a button, the devil's dressed in white with plastic halos who claim to save but rape and molest the innocence of the young without conscience. Those are the people who really make the world as dangerous as it is today, they wear masks of righteousness but demolish more than every single world war put together, they are the ones who have teeth sharper than dragons but speak with the voice of a child and they walk among us daily!

For the really unprepared, this may seem exaggerated so let me paint a simpler picture for you, imagine you just started a new job and during your probation, you find yourself the victim of a supervisor who for no explicable reason insists that your a problem to them and set out to have you fired. If you think such situations don't exist you're either part of the problem or are too young to see the worst in humans. Sadly though such people do exist, they're the ones who are enveloped by envy and jealousy, greed and self glorification, they don't care who you are but as long as you appear to be a threat to their very ideals you're the enemy and they're out to destroy you. These people make up nearly half of the planet and come in all forms and shapes, another good example of their behaviour are the people who we daily here about sending emails and messages of all sorts for worthy donations in the name of humanity but only keep your generosity for their own leisure and deny those who really need the support that they need to even survive. If you're the kind of person who thinks that this is the only way to live then unfortunately you are one of the evil ones and your day of reckoning is on the way.

The worst part about these unfortunate individuals is that they are CONVINCED that how they live is not only correct but that others should live like them so long as it doesn't affect their own miserable and unfulfilled lifestyles. It's even sadder that these people hope to understand why they can only go so far in life and no further! What really boggles my brain though is that they ACTUALLY try to convince others that living a self less lifestyle is considered weak and improper!! What kind of demons would even think of something like that? It's one thing to develop yourself and grow in your life, but to prosper at the expense of others is unethical, unholy, ill mannered, distasteful, inconceivable, etc. I know of no religion or faith that promotes, supports, suggests, implies in any form, fashion or manner that this kind of progress is even tolerable much less condoned.

This is to all the people who choose to live right via kindness and goodwill and above all love toward their fellow man, keep up the good work for this was the way our lord intended for us to live!! As for the rest of you unscrupulous, unholy, inconceivably diabolical, unintelligent lifeforms from another universe of scrap, get a life and get far behind me minions of satan!! I refuse to bow to the so called power of the earthbound immortal Malum

Goals and Achievements

"I know my limitations and if i aim too high i will lose sight of only pleasing myself," this was a line a friend of mine hit me with when I asked about her ambitions. I found it very curious as she's not only intelligent but also very ingenious, needless to say I had to have her explain her statement. Now to be fair, I did ask her about attaining a Nobel Peace Prize one day for a discovery or re-discovery of epic proportions. Still though I questioned the meaning of the statement on a deeper level (as I'm prone to doing) and my mind is racing as I write this minute.

My first thought was "if I aim too high" I have to admit I will forever have problems grasping this concept as I do not believe in aiming too high on any level, so needless to say, I'm baffled. A further look however tells a different story, the last part is where the real story lies as she clearly states that she doesn't want to lose sight of her main goal which is to please herself. This was the clincher for me really and the part that really illuminated the meaning that I grasped from her statement. Long ago I learned that for some people, it is easier to see what they will become rather than how they can adjust themselves to be a particular situation, simply put for some individuals, the outcome is easier to accept than than the means to adjust who they can be. For some, following a particular path will surely lead to an ending that has consequences so dreaded for that individual that they would prefer not to move at all, while for others, the path is but a means to the end and the consequences of such a path is but a small price to pay in the quest for fulfillment. So you're still not sure as to what I speak of? Well let me give you an example: A nineteen (19) year old is considering taking up studies abroad in Mass Communications, while he's amazing socially and has a tenacity that most professionals within the industry would class as intimidating, he himself sees his potential as a tool that may be unfortunately exploited and abused to destroy the reputations of targeted individuals by whosoever his employers maybe. This may seem far fetched for some, but thinking long term is crucial to understanding what you really want out of life. His experiences and his eyes reveal to him what the practices and norms are in the present day, a simple glance into the future based on such standards reveals a grim outlook with an even bleaker prospect of things changing. So he decides to not pursue his ambition to the level that he will suffer such exploitation and limit his career to a level where he can perform but not within the confines of the foreseen destruction. It goes right back to my very said same friend who said that "if I aim too high I will lose sight of pleasing myself."

How will you define the limits of your goals and aspirations? It's simple really, all you have to do is be honest with yourself. Do you really think that what's important to you now will matter even three years into the future? Is it possible that your current lifestyle will allow you to maintain your future ambitions? How much are you willing to sacrifice in order to achieve your ultimate dream? Most importantly is that dream in correspondence to the will of god? These simple questions are extremely difficult to answer if we're not completely honest with ourselves and lack the maturity to accept true self criticism. Blaming the structure of a system for one's inability to succeed is ridiculous and immature, for as oppressive as a system maybe, true character and strength of faith and spirit allows one to be innovative enough to overcome such obstacles. There is absolutely no excuse for failure other than self destruction, if you convince yourself that you can't make it then I'm sorry but you won't. Let's be honest with ourselves, even if an opportunity did fall into your lap for you to rise to the occasion, you wouldn't have the strength of mind to even make the few sacrifices involved to get to the next level, and it's all because you set yourself up for failure long before you even got started.

There's no right or wrong way to get what you need, even if you steal, it's considered humanitarian to steal in the name of doing good and surviving for a living according to our failed legal system that allows criminals to walk free as a gesture of understanding how hard some of us live. Given that we have this much liberty to operate somebody explain to me how can you not know your limitations and work towards them?

Deja vu

It's funny how life throws you in a circle to teach lessons, things that constantly happen because you never learned how to deal with it in the first place. The thing is though, learning to learn lessons is the first step, so until you learn how to learn a lesson and to be able to see the lesson that you're supposed to learn, you can't go anywhere. How sad it is that in order for us to progress truly in life we must learn how to learn.

Deja vu is considered by many to be an experience that took place before it actually happened. While that definition puts it in the bracket of a premonition, it's quite different. It's where a situation so closely resembles another, it feels like you're walking through the exact same path as in a previous experience. This situation only develops when you haven't learned your lessons. Currently I'm in such a situation, where I find myself repeating an exact course I took several moons ago. I find myself making the exact same decisions for the same reasons, with the same risks and the same consequences. If I ever wondered what deja vu really felt like, I'm living it. The question is though, what am I really supposed to learn from all of this? I realize that the way things are right now is not working in my best interest and is actually setting me on a very similar path to destruction in life. Seeing something like that is not an easy thing to face, to be honest it's down right scary and haunts me nearly every night like a recurring nightmare. Try as I might to deny that the drama is real, I know that one day I'll have to face it head on, but for now I'm not sure how to or what i'm even facing! Let me come right out and be honest, I'm thinking of what to do with my current relationship. As always things started off all happy and merry with dreams of a two storey house with a white picket fence and two dogs, but as I've learnt in life, dreams only come true with prayer and diligence, commitment and evolution and most of all compromise. Honestly speaking, most of these factors are missing from this relationship as it stands and I'm deciding if to continue to fight and try to save it just like last time or if to cut my losses short and keep moving. Past experience has taught me that when faced with these situations, it's best to keep moving and not worry about any other factors.

Looking back is always risky as it sometimes blinds you from the blessings to come, but then again, not looking back is also detrimental as it prevents you from seeing the lessons to be learned. It takes you back to past pains and unwanted experiences that may discourage you from taking a new path due to past consequences. The core question then becomes, what is the lesson that you're supposed to learn? In my case that learning point is that in order to help myself and achieve my goals, sacrifices of tremendous proportions are required. I wanted to be a global traveller, an international soldier, but that requires that I have somebody who supports that dream. For years I've been forced to give up my own ambitions to settle for those of another, but I've never had my own dreams supported. I've often wondered how is it that people can say I'm there for you but only on my terms, and then try to convince you that they really are being there for me. It's completely frustrating to think that after all this struggle to get this far in life, I'd have to give it all up just to please some other individual who does not share my ideals. I often like to think that some where out there someone exists who understands my calling in life. My dreams and ambitions seem to be far above everyone I encounter and it's absolutely frustrating, after all these years I'm still encountering people who are limited in their thinking.

The hardest part to swallow is that I'm left confused and wondering if I made the right decision to follow my own path. History has shown that everytime I walk the path of another, the consequences are dire on my end, I'm left with nothing and the rebuilding process is excruciating by any stretch of the imagination. Admittedly it's a process that I've had to repeat for some years now and I'm feeling that it's part of the reason my life feels unfulfilled. The lifestyle that I'm capable of living and competent to achieve is hampered by my own unwillingness to follow through on my dreams and plans all for the sake of being with someone supposedly special. I've spent my lifetime thus far working to ensure that I do not repeat the mistakes of my parents and here it is I'm running into women who are asking me to do just that. How can you ask for a family life and have no foundation to support such? How can you meet me wanting to live above the average family but then ask me to remove that thinking and settle for less? I fully understand that some people aspire to an average lifestyle as it's comfortable for them, not too many responsibilities, a relatively secure income with an average paying job, but that's not me! It's unacceptable for me to refuse responsibility that comes with a big pay day. I've lived my life towards the big picture and I'm having great difficulty coping with excessive mediocrity and the people who try to make me be a part of it!!

As tough as it seems I must be able to move forward with or without you, if you really cared for me you would support my dreams as I've supported yours, i.e. without compromise and in your best interests. It's very unfair for anything less to be allowed and it's a shame that you of all people would even tolerate such slackness much less encourage me to be in it! It's so rotten to lie to people about most things in life, but when it comes to really important matters like life choices I have long ago drawn a big fat line there! Once I allowed a woman to get between me and my dreams and I'm still paying a heavy price for that, how can u now come and ask me to make the same decision that nearly ruined my life?? Have you so little consideration for my life that you would prefer to see me fall than see me soar? Is it so much what you want that it would kill you to support my own ambitions even for a second? Are you so consumed with what you know and you want that I'm only relevant when I have a different opinion? How dare you take it upon yourself to dictate where and how I should live because you think that my dreams are too lofty to achieve! If you want to be average then I strongly suggest you NOT include me in your plans because average was never me and it NEVER will be!!

I've really tried for you to understand what I'm about and unfortunately you tried to make me into who you wanted me to be, this isn't love of any kind but slavery to it's truest meaning. It's my own fault though because I really believed you loved me for me and led myself down this very said road I've been avoiding for so long. The old saying that others know your weaknesses better than you do is true, for you knew mine and you gave me deja vu.

Trials and Tribulations

For many years I have struggled with being different, I've been ridiculed and abused for my difference in opinions and mentality. I've been called many names but normal was never one of them, for comfort I drifted into my own world of thought where I understood me and my way of thinking, a world where people believed in principle and advanced thought. It's taken me quite sometime to get accustomed to being thought of as weird and looney, because i couldn't for the life of me understand why people didn't see my ideas for what they were, creative and full of hope. I admit that there are many times I'm not realistic and many of my ideas have not been well thought out because I get too excited with the ends and disregard the details of the means, but that's just me!! I think big because I have the ability to see connections that don't exist, I can create paths that were previously untrodden and few dare to even go. I understand that I'm a different kind of individual and the things that excite and motivate me are sometimes extremely different from society's norms.

I'll be the first to confess that there are things about me that if most people knew they would faint so i keep them to myself. It's also true that i've been forced to withdraw into a shell for many years for fear of being chastised for who I really am, but who can blame me? I've been told that so many people think I'm gay because of the way that I talk and my modus operandi. As disturbing as that was for me, it was even more hurtful that these people had these thoughts without even attempting to understand why I operate the way that I do. I'm a firm believer in second opinions as first impressions have proven to be tremendously flawed. My own life is a living example of this flaw as most people don't even know what to think of me on first impression and decide to make a randomly unsound profile of myself. This profile in their mind would consist of what they think of me based on frivolous things such as my near perfect english, my constant and seemingly fixed smile as well as my dress code! Now what kind of lunatic makes an assessment of people based on those things? How can you possibly determine a person's personality based on dress code, is society serious? If I'm insane for not following that trend then you may as well lock me away in an asylum and throw away the key! For as long as I can remember I've always suffered with an identity complex as to who I really am, attempts to fit in the popular crowd by conforming to their whims and fancies was hard enough, but that need was battling an equally powerful urge to denounce many practices of the crowd. In addition to that was the immense pressures of being a prodigy child, my brain although untrained was remarkably astute and detailed. The many elders who made up my early company had their own opinions as to how I should live my life, a complex mix of religion, experience and individual personality meant that each elder had a varied perspective on life and how I should live it in the days to come. These multiple pressures resulted in many sleepless nights and an inability to control my already rampaging temper as it was and to a certain extent still is my only source of venting and release from my stress. It also didn't help that I grew up poor, my family started with next to nothing and fought tooth and nail to get where we are today. Back then I had very little understanding of why we had to suffer so much, so many things that could have been are now not because of the limitations of our lifestyle, but we made do. The unfortunate part is that this lack of opportunity was also a source of ridicule as I was seen as a lesser being to those around me who apparently had families with unlimited resources so they were able to purchase whatever they needed.

In the years to come after my schooling, I would truly understand the limitations of my background, everything from job opportunities to social circles was affected. It made very little difference what I was able to do, only where I came from and who i was associated with to an extent. It amazed me to see people with half my ability and even less talent soar to elevated heights because they had a connect with some big shot family. That realisation shot my confidence even lower, as i struggled to comprehend how someone with so much potential like myself could struggle so hard and for so long. I had such big dreams for myself based on what i saw in me and what I hoped were ideas that i could realise in a relatively short space of time with some sacrifice and hard work!! The worst part was that in my moment to shine i felt like I really let myself down where I really had the opportunity to shine!!

The worst part of it all was realizing that the biggest obstacle to my progress looks me in the mirror every morning that i wake. After all the suffering and heartbreak for failures I never imagined, it's been tough to swallow that I've been my biggest mountain!! My own unwillingness to admit that I do have weaknesses and they needed to be addressed as the very reason that i didn't do as well as I'd hoped. How much I rue the day my own wisdom failed to warn me that I was capable of imploding, daily i question where was all my understanding when i really needed it to kick in and save me from myself?? For all my vision I wasn't able to see me drive myself off course!! It took more than four long years of suffering for me to realise that the biggest test I would have to face in life was me and all that came with me, the good, the bad and especially the ugly!! I have to admit coming down from my high horse was a heavy fall, the dismount alone was murder!!! It got worse from there as with rapid succession everything that I built on my old thoughts crumbled to pieces!! There was no stopping the speed as my entire world and all that I held dear would fade away like the blue sky in hurricane season. The fall didn't stop there though as ultimately I would learn that no matter how great I thought I was, god is so much greater and mightier than I could have ever imagined. He took apart everything that I built, destroyed my walls, my confidence, my pride, my will to fight, even my stubborn mind, and he did it in less than 6 months!!

Even after all this time I still feel the stings of that painful flood known as a reminder. The people around me who more than suffer daily, the lifestyle that I once lived that broke me into pieces, and especially the aloof behaviour that I now despise, it's tough to imagine that I once practiced that!! Human beings have been their own undoing since the first dummies disobeyed the father and caused the rest of us to suffer for generations!!

Let this be a guide to those who don't know, if you find yourself constantly stressed because life just doesn't seem what its supposed to be, then your being tested for a life that's even better in Christ!!

Tricks and Gimmicks

So here we are in another election season with this one being filled with more drama and bombs than World War I- III. It's a shame that in this time when the people have the power to interview their prospective candidates that this is not done, do we live in such a regressive state that the candidates do not answer to us but as seen in nearly all political rallies we answer to them? I take this time to remind my fellow voters/ countrymen that there is a very good reason this is referred to as "silly season." It's the season where silly reasons are exploited for acquiring votes because politicians are well aware that good sense does not prevail in this nation of ours. It's an all too common sight that people who have suffered at the hands of both parties and not held them accountable run throughout the streets praising and chanting the names of these very said people who ignore them mostly during their reign.

The power of choice is nothing to scoff at, it's a right of the people that should be used wisely and not abused. When we abuse such privileges that our ancestors worked hard towards attaining then that's a direct slap in the face for all of their efforts as such actions were meant to be treasured and used for the good of the people and to ensure the well being of the people. There is no point to claiming independence and aspiring towards self sustenance if we cannot even exercise democratic rights properly! We need to remember that the people that gave blood sweat and tears towards this "right" did so with the hope that we would utilize it with an impartial and unbiased mind as well as sound judgment. It's a shame the likes of Arthur Cipriani and Tubal Butler are turning in their graves for the sake of the immense levels of stupidity being displayed by today's voters.

To those of you that will see this I urge you to have understanding and good conscience in this upcoming election. It's not a war nor is it a competition to see who can bad talk who!! It's a democratic right that we alone as a people have the power to determine with good sense and dignity, I hope...................................................................

Definition

The question of whether leaders are born or made, is constantly debated by many scholars and theorists around the globe for one simple reason, no one can agree on what makes a great leader. many examples of the successes and failures of leaders of iconic leaders of all types from the peaceful yet powerful Mahatma Ghandi, who taught that violence is not necessarily the price of freedom and democracy, to Adolf Hitler who proved that force is necessary in order to raise awareness.

Personally I believe that leaders are defined by their environments, I believe that leaders aren't born but molded from their ability to utilize their environment to their advantage. It is often the person who does this best who is then recognized by their peers as the leader, as they are seen as the example by which others must emulate in some form or manner. Over the years I've seen and experienced various forms of leadership qualities, from charismatic personalities, to brute force and sheer experience. Each was utilized in various environments and was successful because the environment demanded that this approach be taken in order for the success of the mission. It's the same with the varying personalities of all people, each is shaped based on the environment that it is steeped in and is in most cases unable to be adjusted due to an inability by the individual to make any adjustments.

Varying backgrounds aren't the only factor in defining personality though, there is also the elder contribution to consider. Personally being influenced by my elders, in particular my grandmother, I fully appreciate the guidance and knowledge that older folks can impart and the effects it may have on people, especially younger ones. In reference to the legendary Al Capone and Adolf Hitler, both were influenced by elders to rise to become world infamous villains. Both men were humble individuals with the potential to become great leaders, but because of their poor background and negative influence they instead became terrors of the world. The human mind is prone to impression and influence and is usually the most under developed function in the entire human body.

With light and reference given to these two fundamental factors of human definition, it is easier to behold how people can be amazingly similar and starkly opposite all in the same sentence. The last factor to consider is the personal opinion of an individual based on their experiences. The above two factors heavily influence this third consideration even though it has a definition all to itself. Similar experiences can be interpreted differently by varying individuals, the depth and perception of the interpretation is heavily dependent on the dominating personality traits of an individual. For example, an individual who is predominantly bold and aggressive will rebel in a situation where they lack control and will attempt to monopolize a situation by any means necessary, in contrast to a predominantly charismatic person who even though may share similar bold traits will find it easier to influence a situation without the need to assume control or become autocratic.

It is important to appreciate that these differences are key to establishing proper relations in and out of the work place. These extreme personalities are not only abundant but essential to the continuous growth of any business whether it be global or just on the corner! Sadly though, we are usually intolerable of these differences and consequently that lack of basic tolerance is the leading cause of mass catastrophes in any environment as personal dislikes and shortened emotional borders reduce the individual's ability to understand that differences in each of us is what makes us unique as a species. We have the ability to be similarly built but individually created for multiple purposes and to handle monumental tasks! There is no other species of animal on the entire earth that comes remotely close.

True leaders will always prove to be those that can rise to the occasion whether formality exists or not. They are defined as movers and shakers that have lasting effects whether positive or negative....................................................................................................................................................................