In me

Those little things are what make me really happy, simple considerations, thoughtful gestures and surprises. I never really pondered why I like them so much until today and while I'm here sick in bed I can't help but smile at how easy I am to please.

I'm not one to run thirsty behind sex, it never was my main motivation because to me the sex is just another bonding part of a relationship but not even close to the core. Sure you can get your body naked but what about your soul? I absolutely love being able to connect at the soul, it's the strongest and most satisfying bond ever because it reveals so much about myself and the lady I'm with and us as a team. That intimacy where I'm unafraid to be me, my soft side that loves to cuddle, that sweetness of being kissed slowly and warmly, the security of a hug so tight that all I want to do is bury myself in you. I don't want to be at a distance from such heaven, I won't hide from so much love, there's so much I want u to know about me, more than my fears and my cares, I want u to know how silly I behave when u tickle me, I want u to see the glow in my eyes when you wrap me in your arms, I want u to see my desires when you turn me on and I crave you and only you. It won't happen in one night but bit by bit the magic is revealed, I'm not as complicated as people say nor am I anywhere near as vile and cruel as the world believes. Those are fronts to keep the unwanted out and allow only you in. Only you will know I love to be massaged on my ankles, only you will know if you rest your feet on me I'll rub them til you fall asleep, only you will know if you caress my curly hair I giggle like a school girl and blush the same way. Being in your presence is more than enough to make me smile, you alone will know that deep in my mind I work hard on being a better man so you will be proud of me. These are jus the basic things of my being and all I want is for you to love me just the way I love you.

My love is simple, it's filled with care, it's a joyous celebration of everything we share, my love is deep and filled with passion, when you bleed I bleed and when you succeed I succeed. My love is an overflow of compassion and kindness, an undying yield to serve you my sweet princess, never will I be able to resist your touch for as long as I love you my entire being will be at your disposal. My love is never shared for many cannot reap the same total, only you are my queen and only you are the source of my fire. I do hope this love you can understand for it's feelings and commitment and passion and a burning inferno of desire.…………………………………………

War and me

Epiphany is a hell of a feeling, it's when all that clarity hits u all at once and suddenly everything becomes clear! Today I realized how the devil keeps beating me, today I fully understand how he always wins despite my best efforts! Today I've seen his strategy carte blanche!!

It really does come down to us as individuals, we have to be really willing to take a good hard look at ourselves to be perfectly sure of where we gonna be attacked. Satan is a war tactician and as such he lives to discover my weaknesses, but those weaknesses aren't just what I know, they're also the points that  blind to, the points I try to hide and especially the points I'm afraid to face. Today I saw what I thought to be a beautiful woman and had a perfect opportunity to talk to her but I felt inadequate and shy, I felt less than a human being because of a false sense of belief that I lacked the necessaries to be a king to this woman. I lack finances of others, I'm nowhere near the best in bed, my manners are sometimes poor and worst of all I barely have time for myself. These factors led me to believe that I'm unworthy and because of my insecurities I shied away from what could have been something beautiful. If I were warring against me and wanted me to fail nothing would be easier than to exaggerate these insecurities especially if I could see them with ease! So that led me to realize that my success is being blocked by an exaggerated illusion of my own creations!!

Imagine an entity that can see our back doors, an entity that can pinpoint with accuracy the source of the sad tears we shed behind closed doors and then turn those insecurities into weapons of war against us! This is what Satan does, it's an ancient war tactic where you use the force of your enemy to defeat them! In this case the force of our insecurities are what we battle against daily. The question is how do we win………………………………… well you can't answer that question unless you know what you willing to do to be a better person. Are you really brave enough to face your fears, acknowledge your imperfections, confess your faults, expose your vulnerabilities, open your heart to a world that you're afraid will hurt you?? If you lack this courage then Satan will always win because he will always have weapons to destroy you, he will always have soft spots to torment you with til your an insomniac zombie awaiting eternal flames of pain! Which life would you rather live?

Sorrows

I know it's my fault when things don't go right but it's so often now that even when things seem ready to fall into place they don't. I feel very pessimistic about life as I get older, I feel unfulfilled and underachieving, I'm not sleeping because I'm not happy with my life. After all the disappointments and constant failures I know I have myself to blame but what more is there? Why can't I take the steps necessary to achieve what I want? Lord knows I've been searching for months and years keeping up a charade in the meantime to pretend as if I've done it all when in fact I haven't even started yet. Nothing goes my way and anything good to come is all an illusion at the moment. It seems good but it really isn't and now I find myself stuck and unable to move.

It saddens me daily that this is what I call life, plenty ambition but no means to achieve it and no support to push on. Everybody expects me to be this big strong superhero but I'm so fragile and feel so weak and useless, I feel as if nothing will ever go right for me no matter what I do it seems I'm just destined to be stuck in a rut. The darkness I see more and more of has me feeling depressed and disabled, I have no hope of being anything but stuck under the thumb of others and it bothers me. Maybe it's because I'm home I haven't achieved anything, but why is it so hard? Why do I forever have to not have while everybody else can go out and get theirs? No matter how I turn I just cannot seem to get past this limiting barrier and it is frustrating me! Stuck at the same level for more than a decade and it seems no matter how I try I just cannot escape!!! Where am I going wrong lord? What am I not doing that I just cannot seem to not have to rely on these abusive people I'm surrounded by? What lesson do I have to learn to finally have my own? Something as simple as purchasing a car seems like scaling the cosmos on foot!! Why?? Why are these basic things so hard? Why am I forever having these doors closed and being banned from moving forward? Just this little step I cannot achieve? This one thing I wanted and by every turn I'm denied again and again no matter which road I walk? I'm broke and left with nothing, I was humble and then attacked only to now be persecuted and hunted! If I only strike back then all of a sudden I'm the greatest evil ever! Lord you know the thoughts that persist in my mind, you see the darkness that is my heart. As time wears on I love less and less and I begin to feel more and more hate towards all that exists. I cannot fathom why you don't open doors for me or why I'm always left in the shade and denied any opportunity to advance but it is at the point where I am sick and fucking tired of it all!! Even now as I type this I see my phone giving me a hard time and it is this shit I cannot stand!! Why is everything for me such a fucking issue? Even to type now is a problem? How is it when I'm not doing anything related to my growth I don't see these headaches? Am I really just meant to be a waste and nothing more? Cannot have children cannot even get a car and all of this negativity for what? While those who I help go further and I'm just stuck here unable to move?

I will be awaiting your answers lord, patiently awaiting because none of this makes any sense to me whatsoever. I know your timing is different to mine but know that I'm at my wits end and ready to strike with rage! I can't deal with this constant denial for no reason that has me feeling incapable of anything! Even small achievements escape me and it is impossible to understand what the fuck you have planned for me when nothing is shown to me! I'm waiting ………………………………

Kiss and Tell

The old foundations of romance and intimacy are fast eroding to a new and destructive concept of boastful sex. These days it seems so much easier to speak loudly and proudly of how many women or men someone has been with rather than focus that time and energy towards building a healthy and stable home.

This new age thinking is derived mainly from the rebellion ages of the 70s and 80s where freedom of sexuality was incorrectly perceived as the freedom of promiscuity. The old borders of tact and control gave way to a new and bold open expression that set the stage for the demise of society. No one was ready for these newfound freedoms and psychologically it let loose an epidemic of inhibitions that led to insane social taboos each year outdoing the last for innovation, recklessness, obscenity and turbulence. Daredevils they became upping the ante every chance they got, from multiple partners to multiple partners in bed all at the same time. Homes were invaded by a generation free to experiment with their bodies unchecked and so they did it all, from drugs to multiple orgies to bdsm and the list goes on. The human body began to be pushed to new extremes with new devices and fetishes being revealed and made public. These revelations have led to indiscriminately unleashed lust and an abuse of new found knowledge and daring that have beyond noticeably shaken the once formal public facet. Interestingly enough all of these seemingly new detached sexual escapades have been secretly running underground for years, from J Edgar Hoover's secret  boyfriend to discreet infidelity acts once shunned by the elders publicly but murmured around in circles of the in the know.

The question begs, was it only a matter of time before the pressures of secrecy caused a massive cave in and give rise to the rebels? Well bear in mind these same rebels tore down the Berlin wall, ended the cold war, gave rise to retail riches, reinvented the art of music repeatedly and single handedly revolutionized the ideas of Hollywood and the now mighty Bollywood and nollywood. Personally having examined this aspect of it, I do not believe humanity still understands the destructive power of desire. For years we have gotten it wrong and in many mythologies it has been the downfall of many empires, from the storied city of Troy to the hallowed halls of the palace of king Solomon the wise.

To me desire is just a temporary burst of passion that ought not to be a decision making factor. I do not believe in one night sexcapades nor do I believe in allowing lust to overwhelm my decision making process. These bursts of emotions are blinding and lead to many a ruined home and failed expectation and sadly many a broken heart. Learn the difference people, desire and lust do not equate love. Never have and never will, Delilah killed Sampson with desire, Troy fell because of lust and many a great man has been ruined because of unbridled hormones. Learn those lessons!!

Ashes to Ashes

Quiet nights these eyes often seek, a peaceful soul you yearn to keep. Birthed in humility, raised in country bliss, an untamed spirit got planted in the depths of conformity and acceptance. Forced to sacrifice joy for semblance of sanity, many nights the tears soak pillows and sheets, weep after weep, week after week, no escape seems in sight for me.

I wonder daily how these two footed robots fail to feel, fail to imagine, fail to dream. They go about their routine with mechanical ease, drowning in routine and constant monotony. There was a time I could look at the skies and feel the winds of tomorrow clearing the clouds so I can see the stars, each star I wished on and prayed that I would see double the days that I counted. For a while there was bliss, for a while nothing hissed, for a while there was nothing but the Caribbean breeze under the shade of a broad palm leaf.

Concrete is the box I call home, even the mosquitoes are afraid of this desolation. The iron and glass prisons offer no magnificence to even gently tickle my imagination. My chains are heavy, my tears are plenty, my cries deafeningly silent as the master whips his slave calling me to work on this godforsaken plantation. No longer do the winds of tomorrow show me the stars to count my days, they don't even dance on my hair and cheeks and ask me to play.

Someday I will be free, someday I will smile with glee, someday I will walk amongst the playful winds of tomorrow's bright promise. And as each night falls and the burning pains of the day pass away, quietly I fall on my knees and pray, father don't forget me, you promised me that you will always protect me! You promised me that you will never leave me, you promised me that you will always be close to my heart so please don't leave me! This place is so scary and I feel so alone, even a hug from you will light my dimming eyes up just one more time so I can dream of a tropical sunrise where I can truly be ashes to ashes, servant to servant, angel to angel.

Society truths

Sometimes I meet people and I try my best to understand who they are as individuals but it ends up back firing. I always find with those people they're very distrusting of themselves due to their inability to properly mask their insecurities. Some go so far as to hide behind ideals and concepts as a fortress of justification in the name of covering their very exposed weaknesses.

Well to you people I can only say that not only do I see you but the world sees you. We all see how childish and petty you are, we all see your frailties, your fears, your tears, we see the nightmares and we see that you caused them all. A connection with someone is based on communication but if you refuse to share in that communication then who gonna take you seriously?? Without that communication no one will know what you really have to offer because no one will waste time attempting to see past all your very visible flaws in the name of interest alone. All that leaves is your vessel which in itself isn't a coveted prize because there's no substance in the vessel to be seen. Then you turn and complain that you been used and abused by the world and that its so cold and cruel but what have you done about it? Where in the equation did you set the standard for who you are and what you expect? Don't you know that how you interact with others shows the standard you're willing to accept? So if there is no standard then how can you claim to want any?

Something people do not realize, when you try to build a fortress to shield yourself away from the world you actually expose all your precious secrets because they're only cages that we can see right through so no one is interested in helping them get free of their master. That's the equivalent of bleeding from the stomach but covering it with a sheet and saying you're not in distress. Well when the world doesn't want to help you don't say it's the world's fault, man up, be honest and confess that you yourself are to blame with your cowardly spineless ways. The fighting spirit of humanity is most definitely lacking in the likes of you. Thankfully just like a cockroach if you threaten to step on it alone you too will runaway from anyone looking like they coming to stamp out your pains because you're too busy holding on to them. #patheticinfidels

Fact or Theory

It's a struggle today being a parent, children are exposed to more and more to concepts and follies far above their developing intellect. Society demands that children grow up faster and develop adult minds early in their teen years. From the images on the television to the mainstream music played on radios, the subliminal messages are everywhere and in overwhelming amounts! Even as adults we are pressured to quickly understand and manage the all the new information that is supposedly based on facts developed by scientists who have spent years proving their theories. Here's the problem, most humans are not aware that science of any nature isn't concrete facts. Its actually a study of observations and emotional thought to prove them as a basis for facts. For example, behavioural sciences are meant to study the complexities of the human mind by making a map print of similar traits and/or patterns in human behaviour to then develop a hypothesis based on that pattern which people now take as facts! Anatomical science is the study of living bodies to identify the functions and purpose of each part in depth to provide q base platform for healing and development. Here's the problem, this to is a bunch of hypotheses and theories as the human body has continued to baffle the logic of scientists with its seemingly limitless capabilities as more and more people are stepping forward with what is called "unique abilities". Science is not fact! It is not concrete evidence of anything and therefore does not constitute as a valid source of information to ingest. I'm not here to disprove the accomplishments of science, even the very phone I'm using to print this message is based on science. What I am saying is that people need to learn to identify correct sources of information before running around quoting everything and everyone!

Also to bear in mind is our evolutionary process as human beings. Everyday new information is revealed and foundations are shifted because of it. However we ought to note that these foundations aren't sturdy to begin with, like the concept of the beginning of life by science and their big bang theory or the sudden disappearance of dinosaurs by some great meteor! All wild imaginary ideas even a child could drum up but yet to be proven!! The religious folks will think they have won in that all their evidence is proven. Well I have news for you morons too, your teachings are not only shaky but greatly manipulated by the inaccurate interpretations of man! Your no different to the scientists who you  wage war against!! I remember a pastor saying that one cannot achieve growth without planting a seed, all well and good but what is this seed? His interpretation? Money!! Here's the problem, yes it is true that by logic no plant can grow without a seed but to say that seed is money alone and that if you give more money then you shall receive more blessings is folly!! Seed is a source and therefore is not limited to money you greedy ass dumb fuck! How is it I can pass crucial exams by giving you more money? How can I get that job by giving you more money? How can I acquire a loan by giving you more money? Money is not seed!! I can only speak