It's a nightmare to some, a safe haven for others and to the rest it's a series of questions and hieroglyphics demanding answers to explain it's alien presence. Both sexes use it without doubt but the circumstances around the term "friend zone" clearly varies from person to person and gender to gender.
Interviews with several persons of differing backgrounds and lifestyles yield startling similarities while identifying key differences in their definitions. For ken a professional barber and university student, the friend zone is a myth, he doesn't believe it exists period and his reasons why are intriguing. According to ken, all relationships are based on friendship of some sort so to state that a dreaded friend zone exists would be to consider all relationships dreaded. His parents were longtime friends who eventually pursued an intimate relationship which grew into marriage, for him this friendship is key to their success and is fundamental to his relationships. Without that friendship he states that no relationship would last because as he puts it, "who know yuh better than yuh friend?"
According to his perspective, the friend zone that society despises is actually fundamental towards building a solid relationship. Simply interpreted you have a better a chance of intimacy in the friend zone according to ken. The next person I interviewed was Andre, he's an accounting officer and defines the friend zone as a confused state of mind. He identifies that most relations in the so called friend zone are very platonic and are the cause of many misinterpreted signals from both sexes which then leads to drama. Based on his theory, there are different levels of the friend zone, the first being a nonsexual platonic level and the second being a sex only communication type where as long as no intimacy exists everyone ought to be happy. He states that this mix of emotions, intimacy and communication is what causes signals to be misread and intentions to be over and underestimated. Is he correct? Well have you ever had someone correctly caress you based on information you gave them and then wondered how you suddenly feel romantic around that person? Have you been on a seemingly harmless date with a friend in a very intimate setting that unexpectedly arose deep feelings? These according to Andre are but a few situations where we send the wrong signals to those we do not consider romantically to expect us to now be romantically involved to the point of sexual relations.
Taking a step back though, its clear that men see the friend zone as a black and white scenario. For them it's either you're getting sex or its just a friendship. Most men interviewed see the friend zone as a place where there's no hope of getting sex in the immediate future. Not some place many care to be and it's actually frowned upon when the situation comes up that sex is not involved. Well then there's the female perspective, like men women too see the friend zone as a place where little or no sex is involved but there's more. Allison gave her account of once being friend zoned by a man she genuinely liked as boyfriend material. According to her the friend said theirs was a friendship he treasured greatly, too much to complicate with titles such as boyfriend or soul mates but he was fine with them having sex to which she objected. She stated that the friendship was based on communication, understanding and compromise, except when that discussion came up but otherwise he was someone she saw as a match for her. Listening to her story was interesting because now you have a woman talking about intimacy coming first instead of the initial attraction. She however is adamant that friends do not have sex with each other and this is where my interest really geared up. To her sex crosses a line of friendship, she says that once sex is involved she expects more than just a mere friendship. To her friends are those she partially confides in, while her significant other is her rock and house. Well now this puts a whole new spin on relations with others, here we have borders being established of a different kind. Camille and Traycee had a slightly different story to Allison, both women agreed that if the initial attraction isn't there then there's no chance of it ever being there even if you some how managed to make their grade of desire. To them the friend zone doesn't exist, they see it as clear cut, either sex is involved or it isn't. As long as there's no sex you're only appreciated as a companion and nothing more. Is that the same as the friend zone? Maybe, but considering they both agreed that friends are not people you attract yourself to then no its not. They identify friends as people they can be intimate with on a mental and spiritual level. To them a member of the same or opposite sex who has intentions of being sexually involved can never be a friend. This view is similar to that of Raquel, a final year student who has had many encounters with friends being attracted to her. The only spoken for member of the interviewed team, her reasons for maintaining a border r strictly because of her relationship with her current boyfriend. Asked what would have become of said suitors had she been single and her answers are now the same as Camille and Traycee.
What has this all taught us? Simple, to women if you're someone they can partially count on to supply their needs then prepare to be treated as just that, a partial supplier. To men, if you're a woman who supplies part of their needs then prepare to be treated as just that, a partial supplier. When it comes right down to it this partial supply is what is really known as "the friend zone."
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