Crossroad

I've known you for some time now, we've been friends longer than I've been having sex. For years you've watched as I've grown into the man that I am today, sometimes you spoke up, and sometimes you let me run into the walls of life. As long as I've had friends you were always there, so many people you've seen me pass through and never wavered. We've never been as close as some of my other friends, but you were always there. If I had to describe you in one word, it would be durable, you've lasted longer than most people who've claimed to be in my corner can ever dream.

So I have one question for you, when did all of this change? How come after years of telling everyone that there's no feelings you suddenly develop some? What changed between when we first met and now? Why is it that now you decide to bring these confessions to me? You assured me for years that this would not happen and then you turn and do exactly what you said you wouldn't do! It's not that I don't think you're a good person, but you never were the type of woman I would be with. It's not your fault, because like you I have flaws, it's just that you're really not my type and I can't see me with you as more than a friend. All these long tears just won't help, I can't lie and say you make my heart melt. It's as simple as 1, 2, 3 there's not going to be any you and me, I'm not attracted to you in any form fashion or manner. I understand that my personality and movements may be a cause for misleading you and for this I am truly sorry. I never meant to send you any wrong signals but this is just the way I am, for years you've known me as a big dirty flirt, we've had fun and you are fun to be around, just not what I'm looking for.

Let's keep it simple and just be friends, don't force yourself to change who you are because of me. Someday you're going to make a man a very nice husband, it's just not going to be me as far as I see it. I'm not trying to put you down, as your friend I wish nothing but good blessings upon you, but I refuse to lie and say that I have any other feelings for you whatsoever. It will be unfair to you for me to force myself to be in love with you when I'm not. All that will make me is as bad a liar as any man who's ever hurt you in the past. I'm sorry love but at the end of the day this just isn't going to work and if you can't be my friend then it's best we go our separate ways from here on out. Please don't take this personally but this is just the way I feel, I know you're hurting and the rejection is tough but as I said earlier I'd rather lose a friend being truthful than be in any kind of lie for a relationship of any kind.

Whatever you decide to do from here on out is up to you, I won't hold it against you. I understand you need time to sort things out and most of all I appreciate your honesty and consideration of our friendship to bring this up. Always know that you are my friend and if ever you need me I'll come.

Departure

There are days I look at you and see only sorrow and destruction, worst are the days when all I see is genocide and torment. You live your life to destroy others, you walk this earth making enemies where you shouldn't, and at the end of it all it's me who takes the fall. Never once did you appreciate me next to you, as far as you're concerned I may as well be a piece of drift wood in the sea that you only find when you boat leaves you. The whole world said that you're the worst thing imaginable, looking back now I see why, all these nights because of you I cried, standing by your side was all I ever wanted to do, but you rejected me so what happens next is all on you. Everyday is the same, nothing but worries and pain and all the while you just stand by thinking only of you and what you're going through. Damn another day of rain, another day of you being sickening and lame, you refuse to change and leave me in pain, all the while silently I pray that one day from your hold I be relieved.

How is it can you be so wrong and not see the pain and suffering you cause? Your path to self destruction is so clear to me it feels like I'm the one driving! Sadly you don't see it because you're blinded by greed and a false vision of utopia, the world is nothing but sunshine in the park to you while I on the other hand live in the rain of your actions. How can one person be this evil, your spite knows no limit because you would destroy all that was beautiful. The only consequence you understand is annihilation, as long as everything isn't completely destroyed do you realize that you're prone to errors. This lifestyle you live makes no sense, from the hypocrisy of your morals to the process of your thoughts, it's all a big mess. You crave the spotlight yet shun it's illuminating light, how do you expect to even get by with these kind of fundamentals in your life? While we're talking about fundamentals and future living, what am I in your twisted world of sickening games and tricks? Do I look like some kind of coin machine where you stick your trick coin in with the thread and pull it back out while i activate? When you see me, do you just see a tool to use in your destructive warpath? I probably have the word convenience written all over me because that's all you treat me as, a cuntvenient tool you just pick up and use whenever you feel like it! Let's make this crystal clear, I'm not a tool and not at your beck and call, if you wanted a jackass then you should've gone to a mirror store and buy your reflection! Who do you think you are just walking into my life full of promises but empty on delivery? Your like a bad movie with good promos, full of disappointment and failure! Consider this the end of the road as far as we go, while I still sadly have love for you, don't for a second think that you have any importance to me. Your complete disrespect toward my family, my home, my dreams and my life is unacceptable in any form, fashion or manner!

I suggest that if you have any dignity left that you leave and go, this train has long stopped and it's time for your loafing backside to get the fuck off! I'm tired of all the bullshit and the drama, this has been a long and torturous time with you, standing across the street from you makes me feel like I'm suffocating! Take you lies and schemes and go straight to hell, don't look back at me because that long overdue lightning bolt will surely strike you! I don't know what woman will tolerate you ever again in this lifetime or the next, better start making peace with god, because he alone knows what ill fated actions are patiently awaiting your psycho crazed thoughts. Me on the other hand I'm moving on to a simpler life, where you're clearly not going to be if you don't change! All these years I spent believing in your potential only for you to turn and stab me in the back with all this mistrust and scam! The sad part is that you actually have what it takes to do some great good, but you're too busy being an ass to see any of that!

This is goodbye as we're at the end of this road, from here on out you're officially on your own! Leave me let me be as there's no future with you, hell at this rate i doubt there's a present too! Change your ways if you wish to see thirty, the world isn't anywhere near as patient with you as I would be. All these scams and lies is not the way to live, even your own parents may deny your very existence!

Failure

Giving until it hurts really does hurt! It hurts a lot more than we are ever warned, people drain you, leave you with nothing, scrap you down to less than your skeleton and then move on. I don't know where you came from or why I'm even next to you, but all you've ever done is take away all of my blessings. Long ago I used to live for me, to ensure that I got everything that I wanted and you changed that, you told me I was wrong to live that way and I believed you. I started sacrificing and giving to others, now look where it's gotten me, you living well and I'm in suffering. You took as much as you could away from me, left me bare, alone and empty. I have never been the same since that fateful day, now things are worst because even my family thinks like you. You were a wake up call to how cold this world really is, trusting in humans is something I struggle to do ever again. There's little of me left to barely salvage, all I am now is just scattered wreckage, I can't even control my own emotions and make sense of this life.

Everybody has their own opinion of how I should live my life, but those opinions all come with the same catch line, live for me so long as I give to them and when they suck me dry they get up and leave me for dead. It's all the same no matter where I turn, even the church is filled with the likes of these hypocrites. I hope the world is happy because now I'm a broken mess, stripped to nothing because even my pride has left! It doesn't matter what happens to me now, I have nothing left, not even a shred of hope to smile about. They say if I turn to the lord I'll see my way, but those who said that are all the same, users, abusers and rapers, taking away every last sense of what was my self respect and dignity. This is truly the end because I'm done fighting, can't hold a job and have no family to help me. I'm always left alone to face the cruelties of this world, mobbed by pretenders who are wolves in sheep clothing. As I'm on that topic of family, you bitches are the worst people on this planet. I gave you everything and you left me hanging, the people that are supposed to support me the most actually support me the least. Of all the betrayals I've faced in life, yours was the worst and you still haven't stopped. Someday I'll be gone and you won't have me to torture, by that time I'm glad I won't be able to see why you tore me to pieces.

This world is no place for someone like me, a soldier who believes that kindness is strength and a model for life. At the end of the day you're all going to be sorry, because the destruction you created will eventually eat you alive like the assholes you are. I'm not sure what to do with myself now, I've been beaten and everywhere I look all I see are frowns, this world is more than upside down it's just a mess and continually deteriorating. So many times I've hit the reset button, but I just can't get this shit right no matter how much I try. So fuck it all I'm really done, the next one of you comes near me I swear I'll put you below the ground! I don't care about prison or death, at least in those places I know what's next. Dear lord hear my cries, I'm lost and alone with no one by my side, show me a sign that this isn't permanent, this emptiness is more than I can bare anymore. I've failed in life to answer your calling, I've failed in life at everything I've attempted, I guess that's the only thing in my life that's consistent.