Letting Go

As I officially turn 32 I find myself in a familiar but at the same time very strange place. About twelve hours ago I caught myself literally begging for the attention of a lady I'm supposed to be with, I mean literally screaming and cursing begging for her to stop running away from me and for the life of me I do not understand why I stooped so low. If we're supposed to be together how come I have to beg you to be with me and not realize you have made every excuse in the book to be elsewhere? The worst part is that I begged for more than two hours and I didn't realize what I was doing until nearly three hours after the argument started.
Now I know that when someone gets close, it's difficult for me to separate my feelings from the truth and that has been my downfall for years but yesterday was so clear. You jus do not beg for attention from people who swore they would give it to you freely, if you promise to always be that close in my life and I have to beg for your attention then somewhere a lie was told and I need to stop believing these lies. Imagine with all the stress going on you just couldn't stay and be where I needed you to be while I struggle to cope with it all. You ran away and told me that you were literally running away, it didn't even matter if I objected, you're running away and that's final. When I really needed your presence and support is when you chose to fight me off and push me away. You actually destroyed out friendship because throughout it all I have been by your side but now I see that it was all just one sided and that you're not as strong as you claim to be. In all the mess you couldn't even apologize you just insisted that you runaway and that's the part that really hurt deepest. It hurt that when I needed you I was left hanging all alone, it hurt that when I opened my arms for you to come closer you ran further and further, it hurt that while I was screaming at the top of my voice for you to be here you were going further and further away ignoring my every cry. It all hurt and it's all clear that this was a really big mistake, you're no different to the rest because just like the rest when I need you to be there by my side you disappear into the shadows and I'm still left to fight on my own and fight you too!
I guess I had to be the one to pay for the sins of the rest so I hope your happy, you win, the world of men have been made to shed your tears and now you have your revenge. Now you can boast that you conquered men and you did it your way, you can boast now of your strength to make men cry over you while you go out and live your life. Congratulations you won the fight and men lost at last. Meantime I'm going to lick my wounds and keep it moving, I ain't here to win any fights nor can I even fight anymore. I'm tired of having to always take the abuse when all I wanted was a growing love, I'm tired of having to constantly dry tears while everyone else walks off in some form of triumph, most of all I'm tired of being told I'm loved when I was really being suckered into a beat down. This is goodbye and I hope that life is great to you so that you won't have to beat anymore men. You're right, this is why I'll be single, I'm not strong enough to be with anyone because in the end as long as I am who I am then I can be nothing more than a punching bag.