Seeing Stars

Seems there's alot on my mind these days, the more I think about it the worst it gets, the struggle with the mind games people play is more than I can handle. It's to the point that now I'm feeling inadequate to even be on the same planet as these crazies. Maybe I ought to have a sham relationship with a lesbian and leave it as is, at least that way I'll know where I stand and not be at risk to unnecessary pain and torment. Marriage means nothing to society, infidelity is the new fame, there's a trophy count for how may heads you can scalp in the bedroom and they're very proud to say their numbers are high. I don't belong with these people, their thinking is below my reach, their ideals are corrupted at best with enough torment to make saints give up their holy ways. These do indeed reek of the last days with even the church being infiltrated by the shenanigans of a cruel world. It's so bad such things as manners and courtesy are seen as hints of sexual flirtation, can't even say good morning without being bludgeoned with eyes of wrath or an insincere wave off.
The worst part about all this is that people now look to exploit my good nature, the more they say they won't is the more they do. Last night a so called friend asked me for $1500 to go make a purchase while she shipped out her husband and moved in the   outside man. Neither of these guys could give you the money you need? You having sex with both but I'm your pocket crutch?? No eh! It never has and will never be that way, one day I will stop believe your fake words and move past you again because I realize that your at the point where I'm now a convenience again. Interesting how that works but thankfully I'm not falling for it, in a time not so far back I would have been yearning for your attention but not when I know better and am doing better. I see the games you play and I see how you try to manipulate me into giving up my bricks to build your shaky house. I won't fall for it and you will not ever trap me like that again, pseudo friendship is worst than true enemies, I prefer the enemy who is honest enough to let me know we are energy.it's than the spy who uses guile and deceit to fabricate a friendship that's really a convenience.
I've seen u all, I've seen u all try hard to derail me and I will not be led off course. If I have to stay in the shadow of my own home to keep away from you people I will and that will give me the peace I need.
One day I'll look back on this stage and wonder how I ever let you bother me this much, but I'll always remember that it was the false friend and not the enemy who wanted to see me never do better