Outside mirrors

As the days wear on I'm feeling an old and very familiar air around me. I realize it's happening again, the persecution, the aggression and the overall abuse of my good nature. Jus the other day I was struck by a coworker for treating him with the scant courtesy and total lack of respect and regard he showed me. I still remember the amount of rage I felt surge through me, I saw the tunnel vision, I saw the care for his well being, the love for his family slip away from me with the speed of lightning. I saw only him and his blood falling to the ground just as my bloodied saliva did. In the end though I wasn't as alone as I thought and the hand of another coworker would quickly widen my vision.
I still wonder about it all though, what would've happened had it not been for the other two, what if it was really just me versus him, what if there was no one around to calm me down.............. It's a lot to ponder those consequences, it's even more to ponder the current torment of feeling overrun and outgunned. Seems everyone is out to get what they want and nothing more, seems like the world is once again aiming to milk me dry and leave me for nought. The timing is interesting as I'm on the verge of my breakthrough and almost free of the torment of long ago. As I sit here I wonder if I'm really ready to be successful, I realize now you have to be very selfish in order to go forward on this world, you can't have a soft heart, you can't feel for others, you can't be generous, you can't even be kind. It's all a charade, an act in a play so that you can bypass the traps out here. Sad really because it means I'll be no better than the rest but if I'm to at least be physically comfortable I see no other option.
Well maybe one day I won't have to live like them, maybe one day I can be free to be me without being judged and tormented, without the persecution and ridicule, without the strain of being different in a world where being the same is easier than being yourself.