The Struggle

I dislike being taken advantaged of, these days you cannot be more than basic courteous to anyone for all it will bring you is suffering and torment. How is it in a world filled with the same species all looking for honesty, love, justice and commitment there is so much deceit, distrust, grudge and dishonesty? These atrocious traits are perpetuated by the very humans crying for saints and saintly ways. Imagine a world with people saying let's be nice while aiming guns and knives at each other! Imagine a civilization that cannot even trust it's own shadow for it too is steeped in the stench of deliberate misdirection and as such cannot be trusted to provide the most basic of truths.

Sad are these times when to live you must be camouflaged from the world in order to even walk the streets. So many of us have masks of so many varieties that we don't even know who we are at our very core!! Every time I leave home I have to wear a different identity in order to make it to the end of the day. It's not even like being able to drive a different car everyday, its simply an annoying show that I have to change daily to survive walking the streets. If you look too soft elements of crime hunt you, if you look too rough the police! If you even look somewhere in between then society discards you as lacking an identity on the whole. So how then am I supposed to fit in? Where do I belong if I can't even be part of me?? Seems no matter where I go I'm a square peg in a round hole, too qualified for some and under qualified for the rest. Whether I raise or lower my standards I just don't fit in, I don't belong to any set or group and worst I can't even belong to myself because according to said society this is insanity! The nerve of these people to tell me I can't belong to myself! What is so wrong with me that I can't even belong to myself?? Why is it so hard to just accept that I like being nice and I like working hard and I like progressing through hard work? Why do I always have to disrupt an entire plan jus to make one step?? Now after the disruption I'm left forty steps behind and still have to scrape and fight to achieve what? One step?? Society get real! This is why I do not get along with people and I want no part of any association with anybody! You bastards are untrustworthy and sickeningly hypocritical on all fronts!

There's no two ways to take any part of such folly seriously, whether you aspire to live in peace or torment the world with war you're not going to be treated fairly in a world where the unjust is unjust to all who chooses any path in life. Bound to the earth for a lifetime of torment, they only exist to ensure the time you spend here is difficult beyond measure. Some day I'll be free ……………………………………………………

My Cross

Sometimes it's not worth the struggle to discover a truth we already know, sometimes when we think better can happen it actually only gets worst. Days will come when you wonder what's the point of it all, if it makes sense fighting this fight at all, what's the purpose of my existence in all this chaos. Many times I'm genuine but very few am I real, you see this side of me and wonder how can he be so happy with ease. You don't know my struggle, you can't see my fears, never will you understand my pain, not even after a million years! I'm an enigma to you, kind, passionate, devoted, considerate, loving and gentle, I'm not your average tool wielding, strong arming man who can slay a pussy with a thought. I'm not even that man who you see in the streets and wonder if he really that rich or if he just spending somebody else's riches and looking like he a boss.

My wealth comes from inside, my strength comes from places you can never see, my power isn't in my frail muscles nor my decaying teeth. I'm nowhere near the biggest nor am I even close to the strongest, I get scared, I feel.sad and I get mad sometimes at the turn of a door. I can't promise you wild sex that will make your spine churn, I can't promise you a fun filled that only riches can earn, I can't promise you I can fix it all but I can promise you that my strength is buried in the Lord who keeps me safe from harm, away from evil, who guides my every step and ensures that when I say I'm yours I'm yours. I may not be the man of your dreams, I may not be the stars on the magazines but I'd like to be the man who makes your stars shine and your dreams soar, I'd like to be the man who you can say you worked with and built it all.

I'm shy most days but to you I'll be open, the world scares me because I gave them a chance to see me as me and all they did was spurn me. What you see when I'm out there is but a fraction of who I am, a shallow show designed to keep the hordes at bay. Come one or many none of them matter at all, me and you together we can conquer them and watch as they fall. I can only pray that the day you come you can appreciate all of me, for I will love and cherish all of you and to all of you I will always be true. Maybe one day we'll meet by the Lord's grace, maybe one day we'll wed and build us a comfortable space that we may shelter from the pouring rain or blazing sun, maybe we can build our own paradise and shine our light all our lives long